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To some, being a brat may seem a little contradictory to the ‘submissive’ stereotype, but really, brats are just as submissive as the rest of us!


But what exactly is a brat, and how do you know if you are one?

Essentially, a brat is a submissive that will consciously defy their Dominant by being playfully mischievous or impolite. 

Playful BDSM brat

Often, this is done to elicit harsher punishments from their Dom (which is where their truly submissive nature comes into play).

Whether you’re already engaged in a Dominant/brat BDSM partnership or wish to move your Dominant/submissive dynamic into this new dimension, there are a few things you can implement to be the best (worst) brat you can be!



How to be a brat?

Ensure you’re both on the same page

As a brat, you will likely need a particular type of Dominant. Doms who need a submissive that will do as they’re told without question are perhaps not the perfect match for a brat.

A Dom who has an ample sense of humor, enjoys dealing with defiance, and reaping the rewards of ‘taming’ is ideal.

If you’re new to the Dominant/brat dynamic or are introducing it into an existing relationship, have a frank discussion beforehand on your boundaries, hard limits, and expectations.

As with everything, openness, compromise and communication are key.

Go against your Dom’s orders and don’t take no for an answer

This is the number one premise of being a brat. Actively defy your Dom’s orders not only in BDSM play situations but in your daily life (if your Dominant/brat dynamic stretches to your everyday relationship).

Simple things like refusing to bring your Dom a glass of water or pass them something can be great ways to slowly build up their frustration with you. Similarly, don’t be afraid to offer some backchat when they tell you ‘no’!

Provoke your Dominant

Phrases like “you don’t frighten me” or “is that really all you’re going to do” are the perfect way to provoke your Dom into ramping up those punishments as you crave. After all, your Dom wants you to be under their control, and showing them that you’re not phased will only encourage harsher discipline.

Pretend you don’t know what you’ve done wrong

This is another great way to frustrate your Dom. After you’ve done something you know you shouldn’t have, simply act as though you have no idea what the problem is.

Resist the urge to apologize for as long as possible

If you have succeeded in defying your Dom, an apology is naturally the next thing they will be after, and admitting to your guilt early on may stop the escalation of punishment that you desire. The longer you continue your defiance, the harsher and more delicious those punishments will become!

Be yourself

Being a brat is often something that comes naturally and can’t be forced. If you’re a brat, you’ll probably know about it, which means you don’t have to think too hard about what to do or how to act. If bratty behavior comes naturally to you in this way, just be yourself and allow that naughty side to shine through!

Don’t resist the urge to please your Dom

It’s important to remember that underneath the mischief and playfulness, brats are still submissives. With the right Dom who has the patience to put the work in, this side of you will undoubtedly emerge.

Don’t feel that by eventually submitting to your Dom or ultimately wishing to please them that you have ‘failed’ as a brat. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

Be creative in your defiance

A great brat will always keep their Dom guessing! When your Dom asks you to do something, find a way to play on their request. For example, the author of this article (Everything you need to know about being a Submissive Brat – Brazen (brazenguide.com)) refers to handing their Dom a glass of ice-cubes when they have asked for ‘ice cold water’. The more creative you can be, the better!

Tied up BDSM brat

What’s your favorite little bratty habit? Do you have any tricks up your sleeve to keep your Dom on their toes? 

If you’re in need of a few creative ideas, try out some of our own!

  • Run away during impact play.
  • When they spank you, say “did you hit me yet?” or laugh.
  • Wiggle out of rope ties.
  • Come without permission.
  • Playfully say “nope” to whatever they say or ask you.
  • Playfully bite them if they’re not paying attention to you.
  • Reply with “and what if I don’t?” or “make me”.
  • Refuse to move and act as a ragdoll if they try to move you.

Hint: Be sure to follow us on Instagram @spicesoflust for more kinky tips and tricks!

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