We interviewed lunaKM from the Submissive Guide blog.
Our journey continues! Interview with the author of the blog Submissive Guide is the sixth stop on our journey to ”demystifying” BDSM. BDSM world is not tangible for many of us, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be. We live in an information world and so much knowledge is out there. We’ll help you acquire it.
Submissive Guide
Started in 2009. by lunaKM with a goal of helping people understand new feelings and experiences that result from BDSM activities – mostly from D/s dynamics. Since then, the blog has become home for countless useful blog posts. Blog content is divided into 5 categories:
- Communication
- D/s relationships
- Fundamentals
- Personal growth
- Safety
- Skills
Both novice and experienced submissives and dominants can find extensive materials in every category to help them understand and improve their ”game”. I would describe as a BDSM knowledge treasure chest.
Luna has considerable experience in this field – she has been an online submissive, lived a long-distance service relationship, tried part-time and full-time D/s dynamic, while now, she is in a 24/7 Master/ slave relationship.
LunaKM’s work is also featured in: The Iron Gate, Dominant Guide, and Submissive Journal Prompts. Submissive Guide blog is currently at 18. place on Kinkly’s list of top sex bloggers.
If you aspire to start or to improve your D/s relationship – I recommend visiting any of the blogs mentioned. Get in touch with LunaKM by visiting Submissive Guide blog, her Twitter profile, or her Youtube profile.
Q&A- lunaKM
How did you notice that you could be into something kinky?
Kink has always been a part of my sex life in one way or another.
My first sexual partner and I had several experiences that when looking back on them were definitely kinky and I thought nothing of them. It was just sexy fun we both enjoyed. They were things like blindfolds, tying each other up, and some light role play.
It wasn’t until years later that I started putting labels to things I enjoyed and found out that kinky was a “thing” and there was a ton of activities connected to that.
Do you remember your first kinky experience?
My first experience once I had a definition in place for what was kinky and wanted to embrace a kinky life was with a Dominant I met online.
He came over and gave me my first spanking.
It was a pretty intense experience and I was very nervous that I wasn’t doing it right (I know now that there is no right or wrong way to play). That day opened up the whole wide world of masochism that has been very fulfilling for me.
To this day, how far did you go?
That’s a good question and quite subjective. For me, not yet far enough, but for many people, I’m quite experienced and advanced in the kinky activities “Bucket List.” You can’t really measure edginess as a linear experience.
Since everyone’s preferences fall in different directions what one person’s extreme fantasy is another person’s everyday pleasure.
For me, since I still don’t know the limits of what I’m willing to do, I can’t measure that I’ve been far or further than anyone else, but I do know I have more distance I can travel, more things to explore yet.
So, until the day comes that I can say I’ve gone as far as I can go, I’m not able to really answer this.
Would you recommend BDSM activities to a friend, to try it out? Why?
I would never voluntarily suggest kink activities to anyone that hasn’t expressed interest in spicing up their sex life.
Just because BDSM activities are good for me, they may be offensive to someone else.
Now, if my friend says they’ve run out of ideas and they want to come to me for suggestions, I’ll listen to them share and then help them figure out what might be fun for them to try based on their own interests.
Would you say, one could benefit from introducing BDSM or some light aspects of it, into his/ her life?
Sure they could, in fact, a 1990 Kinsey Institute report states that 5 to 10 percent of the U.S. population engages in sadomasochism at least an occasional basis.
Around 11 percent of men and 17 percent of women reported trying bondage. And a 2005 survey conducted by Durex reports that 36 percent of adults in the United States use masks, blindfolds, and bondage tools during sex, compared to 20 percent worldwide.
They just don’t know the great big world of BDSM that those of us who explore it know. Kinky sex is everywhere.
What would you say to a beginner, where to learn and how to start with a BDSM?
A lot of people recommend doing a lot of learning and soul searching before engaging in any BDSM activities, and while I agree with that when it comes to some of the more advanced techniques and thought processes, it’s not always necessary.
Take what we learned above about using blindfolds, cuffs and role play into your sex life. Very little needs to be researched to have a good time with those things. My article Scenes for Beginners: Ideas You Can Use To Start Exploring Bondage and BDSM Play in the Bedroom is a great place to start.
Safety is important of course, but much of what we know about safety is common sense, at least at first.
If a beginner wants to jump into the deep end and head first at that, then I highly recommend reading what they can first, talking to people if possible and be completely comfortable before they start to explore it.
There are a lot of really good websites out there, like Submissive Guide and Dominant Guide that can help you get the low-down on basics and they are written for novices. If you learn better through video, you can’t go wrong than a subscription to Kink Academy.
Also, a good kink resource library, you can find a list to get you started on Submissive Guide.
How can single people get involved with the BDSM community?
There are BDSM groups in almost every local in the world so there’s the opportunity for anyone to be active in the community.
One of the best places to find the community these days is to join FetLife.com. Most groups are using the social network to advertise events and discuss things to do with the lifestyle.
If you don’t want to join the local community but still want to get into playing and learning about BDSM then the convention circuit might be of interest.
Just like other recreational conventions, they are large all day or all weekend gatherings of kinky people with classes, demonstrations, and parties usually all in one place. Some are wider in scope but others are niche-specific such as rope bondage, latex, and rubber or swinger events.
What is the best way for someone to get into BDSM life? Are there any materials you would suggest?
When someone decides they’d like to try BDSM, whether that be to spice up their sex life or to start a Dominant/submissive relationship, the best way to go about it is with a lot of information and an open mind. Most BDSM activities require a willing partner, and I’m going to assume you have one excited to try it with you.
Find a BDSM checklist online and complete on your own, and have your partner do one also. If you don’t know what a term or activity is, look it up or skip it. Then, come together and talk about your answers. Find common interests and go from there. For some things, such as spanking, you can jump right in and experiment, but other activities, like rope bondage, might require you to read up on it, take a class or watch a few videos.
Use Google Search to find out more information on anything you are curious about. Read more than one source. Make your own opinions based on what you read and agree with. Talk with your partner about everything, even if it is embarrassing. Open communication is sexy!
In general, do you think that being open to new things and trying out something like BDSM or similar, can help couples in their life/ sex life?
In general, yes I do feel that adding anything adventurous and exciting to your sex life can revitalize stagnant feelings, boost your libido and rekindle the flame between partners. As long as both partners are willing participants and one is not being coerced (Oh, cmon baby, if you loved me you’d do this) then have fun!
What toys/ equipment should a beginner have?
Beginners often get overly obsessed with having a lot of toys and tools to play with, when the best equipment to get started with is at the end of your arms. Hands can do amazing things and are, in my opinion, the most underused tool in the BDSM toolkit.
You can spank, slap, tickle, pinch, scratch, poke, prod, punch and press with your hands and have an amazingly sexy fun time without breaking the bank on a fancy flogger or paddle that you may not even like after the first use. Learn what you enjoy with what you already have at hand first.
If you want to branch out into toys or equipment, go for pervertables. These are household objects you can use for kinky fun. Some of the more common items are wooden spoons, clothespins or chip clips, ice cubes, chopsticks, hairbrush, paraffin candles (look for the tall glass saints candles), and rubber bands.
Do you have a favorite BDSM play/ equipment?
I’m a masochist. I love pain play. It feeds me. My favorite implements are stingy toys, things like canes, single tail whips, dragon tails, evil sticks. But nothing feels as amazing as my partner’s hands on me, hitting me, punching me, wrecking me. It’s not beginner stuff, but then again, I’m no beginner.
This is the end of this episode, big thanks to LunaKM for being our kinky guest. Be good – be kinky. Share it with your fellow kinksters!
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