Blogger Roundup: How to Deal With Quarantine?

Welcome to our first blogger roundup.

We gathered to share some tips on how to cope with quarantine and what to do during isolation.

Who is here?

Contributors we have here: Kitty Stryker, Cy Smash, Auntie Vice, Anne Stagg, Jaylene Cherie, Asrai Devin, Deviant Succubus and me, Luka from Spices of Lust.

We would like to thank everybody who decided to participate in this roundup.

All of us are going through hard times, that is why I wanted to say this is much appreciated.

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Kitty Stryker

In times of crisis, we are stressed, anxious, panicked. It can feel like the floor is falling out from under us. Often, it is. We may feel helpless. It can be tempting to give into the desire to do things to maintain some kind of normalcy or control.

It’s awesome to volunteer, to donate time, to be present for others! It’s not only good for the self but for the community!

It’s also extremely important to check in with yourself. How are you doing? What are you feeling? Grounding yourself, through prayer, through ritual, through meditation, through physical activity, through journaling — this is very important for your emotional well being.

Also, check in with your body! Have you eaten? Are you hydrated? Have you taken your meds? Showered today? Slept enough? It can feel all too easy to run on empty when your mind is racing and your body is in a state of anxiety.

Be aware of the boundaries you need.

It’s OK to have boundaries! It will also help make what you can do sustainable. It can be easy to burn out when you’re in the middle of a crisis, and you may not know until it’s difficult to pull yourself back. It’ll also help you to not overcommit, which is vital. It’s better to do less, consistently, than to do too much and then be off the board.

That said, if you find yourself overwhelmed? Pull back. Get your feet under you. Breathe. You can always step back in to help.

Remember to put on your oxygen mask first. This is important.

Remember that the point of putting on your oxygen mask first is so you can help others. This is also important.

Want to do something? Check out this mutual aid megalist and see where you can plug in!

Important links:

Cy Smash / Super Smash Cache

It’s like I had been preparing for this pandemic all along— I work from home, keep my social circle small, and have my groceries delivered. But I know firsthand the struggles of such a lifestyle. Once the novelty of working in pajamas and with unbrushed hair wears off, the days can easily blur together in monotony.

Here are some ways to stay sane if you’re new to working from home:

Unplug before going to bed. Have a morning routine. If possible, put your phone on airplane mood or Do Not Disturb so that you’re not distracted. Write down the most critical tasks for the next day. When you wake up, immediately drink some water and put on uplifting music.

Put on “real” clothes. It’ll help your brain “refresh” and register that it is, in fact, a different day, unique in its own way. Moisturize your skin. Style your hair. Enjoy the process and continue to take care of yourself, for your own sake.

Try a new makeup look or re-color your hair, if that’s your thing. Maybe use some colors that you forgot you had. I find that, even though putting on makeup takes some time, the productivity payoff is fantastic. It elevates my mood so much that I end up getting more done.

Have a designated workspace. I’m guilty of working from bed sometimes, but the benefit of having a desk or table solely for work is two-fold. For one, you’re saving your back a lot of stress. Second, working at a separate area helps your brain associate the bed only with sleep (and maybe sex) and the desk only with work, which is excellent for sleep hygiene.

Go outside, if possible. If not, open the curtains for some sunlight or have a daylight lamp. Just because you’re social distancing doesn’t mean you have to be a cave dweller. Get some sunshine for a quick burst of Vitamin D and energy every day.

Schedule breaks for yourself. If you don’t choose when to take a break, your body will arrange it for you. Get up and exercise. Sing along to your favorite artist. Have an hour-long phone call with a friend after work. Make art. Revive an interest that you had previously put on the backburner.

Don’t feel pressured to work 40 hours a week— that number is arbitrary. Find a groove that works for you, even if you feel your best and most productive working 4 days a week and taking more time to recharge. (It’s super common!)

A lot of these tips sound like common sense, but they add up and make a difference if you’re actually doing them.

Above all, continually ask yourself, “What do I need?” There’s a good reason why Hayao Miyazaki’s films put so much emphasis on the everyday joys. Many of us will now spend our days behind screens, but we’re still humans who crave and enjoy life’s physical pleasures.

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Auntie Vice

As someone who lives with a chronic illness and has to stay indoors a lot due to immune issues, I feel like I have been running a marathon of self-isolation and the rest of the country is jogging for the first time.

Sex while Social Distancing

For single folks, this can be a difficult time If you are living alone or with people who you are not intimate with, social distancing will make dating and hooking up harder. According to multiple health departments, there are many options for sex while maintaining healthy practices at this time.

Masturbation and Video Chats

You are your safest sex partner. This can be a great time to explore new and fun ways to masturbate or to get back to the practice if you have slacked off. Explore porn or rewatch favorites (pay for your porn preferably!). There are many porn sites that allow you to create a free account and then share your favorite videos with other members on the site. Sharing favorite videos with folks you are dating or want to hook up with can be a great way to initiate talk about what you want in this time where we aren’t out and about.

You may also want to explore video chats with your partner(s) while you are social distancing. Use your favorite video chat app (I recommend not using Facebook Messager, however, since they admit all messages are kept on their server for an undisclosed time period and are accessible by staff even if the message is “private”). Sexy talk, stripping, taking or giving instructions to a partner, and masturbating on video chat can be very satisfying.

Sex and Sheltering In Place

Many of us now have no private nights. We are stuck with roommates, parents, kids or others milling about our house with nowhere to go in the evenings. This can dampen the mood and make it difficult to get some private time with a partner.

This does not mean you have to stop having sex all together. If you live with a partner(s) and non-partners, here are a few tips. Music or television turned up a bit can mask sexy noises and can also block out the noises of the other people you live with. If you don’t normally play music during sexy time, Pandora, Spotify and other streaming services offer “sexy” playlist options. Alternatively, you can pull up your favorite mood artist, add a few additional songs and Pandora will create a playlist for you. If you are planning on using a streaming service for music durning sex, pay for the premium service (or sign up for the two week free trial and remember to cancel). There are few things more mood breaking than making out and hearing a commercial for Paul Blanco’s car sales for people with bad credit.

Additionally, if you can take advantage of the time that people do leave for necessary appointments, grocery shopping or walking the dog, squeeze in a quicky. Remember to turn off your work Zoom meeting first.

If you are looking at your roommates in a new and sexier light, remember you will still have to live with them in the morning. And next month. Don’t explore your first sexual forray with a roommate after drinking or using other drugs. Talk about it with a sober head first to see if it is a bridge you really want to cross.

Condoms, Toys and More!

Sex shops are unfortunately not considered “essential services” right now. Amazon also does not consider condoms, lube, and gloves “necessary” items to ship immediately and it may be weeks before you get these supplies.

If you need safer sex supplies, Planned Parenthood, many HIV/AIDS service clinics, and gender health centers ARE open and stocked with safer sex supplies. If your local grocer or Target has run out of necessary provisions (as mine did), swing by one of these alternative places to stock up.

As for toys, purchasing options can be much more limited. I am lucky that my local favorite sex shop owner is offering private shopping sessions by appointment. You get the store to yourself, can maintain a healthy social distance, and pick up great new fun things! I know several smaller shops across the U.S. offering this service. Check your local sex shop for options.

This is also a great time for exploring pervertibles! Turn the stuff lying about the house into sexy new fun things. That pasta measurer you never use makes a great paddle. Those ethernet cords you have piling up in your office are good for restraints or very mean impact implements. For more pervertible ideas, I have a full post here.

Stay safe! Stay healthy! Stay Sexy!

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Anne Stagg

Let me start by saying: this chaos will pass. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now. But it will, and, when we leave our homes and return to living in each other’s orbit, we’ll be better. Hopefully, we’ll be better at caring for one another.

I’m trying to nurture that energy. Are you?

So, what am I doing during the 2020 pandemic?

I’m hosting a lunchtime live stream on my Twitter feed @annestaggwrites at noon (EST), Monday through Saturday. Each day I chat about sexual wellness, self-care, and perform live readings of my erotica, erotic fiction, and poetry.

I’m also blogging, writing, and reading. Watching my favorite movies, napping, and snuggling with my pup and my spouse round out each day.

In the spirit of sharing, here are some of the books and blogs I’m using to pass the time and a handful of my favorite films to take your mind off of the state of the world.

Books:

The Last of the Wine: A Novel, Mary Renault (I’m currently reading this one and so far it’s lovely)

Giovanni’s Room, James Baldwin

Lust and Other Stories, Susan Minot

The Berlin Stories, Christopher Isherwood

Music:

These are the playlists I’ve made to get me through https://open.spotify.com/user/doojs2pjtnrzx87ri1zz26flf?si=nVoaUhj9QIuTQSnjnM5sPw

Bloggers I Love:

The Wench Works, www.thewenchworks.com. Wendy Philips’s raw honesty about all things sex is a gift to the universe.

Jayne Renault: Musings of a Smut Queen, jaynerenault.co. Jayne is an unparalleled Smut Queen. Her fiction and nonfiction are scorching hot, with a real vulnerability that leaves the reader feeling seen.

Love is a Fetish, loveisafetish.com. This blog is fearless when it comes to showcasing sexual expression and personal growth. And Nikki (artist, blogger, and author) and I host a weekly Twitter chat about BDSM and fetish awareness called #fetchat (@Fet_Chat). Join us on Wednesdays at 5 pm EST.

Bellesa, bellesa.co. This is an adult site created for women by women. It’s a one-stop-shop for everything sexy. You can also read my erotic fantasy series “The Mound of Gaia” exclusively on Bellesa.

Four “At least THAT’S not happening right now” Horror Movies & One Butt-Clenching Documentary:

After Midnight. Horror. This is a charming indie flick It’s a love story with a monster running around in the mix. It also features the only appropriate use of a particular 90s Lisa Loeb earworm.

Get Out and Us. Horror. I love horror, and Jordan Peele’s two films walk the line between science fiction and horror with mind-bending originality. Watch them both. You’re welcome.

Midsommar. Horror. The director, Ari Aster, has a delightfully twisted mind This film is a fairytale about grieving told through the lens of folk-horror.

Free Solo. Documentary. This doc is about a fella attempting to climb one of the most challenging rock-faces in the world without ropes. It’s a gorgeous film and butt-clenching-ly compelling.

That’s all for now. Visit me during my live stream or via my blog, and as always, be well, be wonderful, and above all, be you.

Anne

Important links:

Jaylene Cherie

Photo by Josh Sanford-Boyd

Milking the Somatic Clock

Alas, this is the time where we kinky folk are stuck at home, hopping in and out of boredom, perhaps even benign tiredness from the tumultuous state we all are impacted in a time of isolation. We have had the clocks stop in more ways than one. How do we take this moment of stillness in the world and embrace it in our sex life?

We belong to the masses that race through their day and hold the excitement factor of the consistent rush close. So close, in fact, that it has leaked into our sexual culture. Media, porn, and stories of “passion” show the consistent captured image of people expressing their erotic selves as ripping off clothes, hot and fast sex, and then the sweaty pile of their curtain call. Let’s not ignore the hotness factor of that display of passion, but let’s also not ignore the chance to caravene through different mediums of your sexual energy, especially when we are not caught up in the “rush” factor of life.

One enticing thing that I have seen in this phenomenon is the many ways we CAN create this molasses time to dive deep, into yourself, while away from others- partners who live together have the opportunity to take this to the next level of embracing intimacy. Shifting this place from deprivation of the higher pace of energy, into a place of opportunity of letting the somatic moment fully sink, can be its own adventure.

Immerse yourself in the slowness of time. Take those extra seconds when self pleasuring to first tickle your shoulders/body. Make your sub practice new positions of servitude. Create a play scene that moves in time with the ticking clock. Make your masochist self a nice little bruising from some impact play- going gently the whole way through. These things are some of many that show the envelopping theory that sex is a practice, as is BDSM. Take this time to grow, either with a partner or solo!

Have a look at my Instagram for FREE and fun sex-education and ways of connecting to your body in this “slow” form of eroticism!

Jaylene Cherie

Love + Sex Coach

Important links:

Asrai Devin

This is an unprecedented time. Being in Western Canada, things are a bit different. Our schools and business have been closed for almost a month. But we’ve also been experiencing extreme cold which means we are stuck inside for most of that time.

I am at home with my partner, neither of us are working and two school age children, one elementary aged extrovert, and one introverted teenager. Here is what I’ve learned so far.

Routine

I am not the type of person who likes daily routines. But I have found a rhythm in my weekly routine, which gives me variety but also a plan. I have a large number of projects and finding time for them all can be difficult so one thing each day makes my creation life make sense. Monday I wrote short form stories, Wednesday I work on my novel projects, Thursdays are for editing, Fridays I schedule things for the next week or two and create images.

Space

Sometime between 3 and 5 PM depending on my energy level, I shut down and take a break from the family space in our basement where I play video games. My husband keeps our extroverted child entertained for a while during this time knowing I need space. Then after supper, the kids and I play downstairs to give him space as well.

Social media for connection to others

I don’t really see many people in real life, outside of work, so social media has always been my way of connecting with people. But right now, it’s a lifeline for having someone to vent to and having my feelings validated.

Sexy times

With kids at home, finding time to have sex means creativity. Sometimes we can sneak in a quickie early in the morning, sometimes it’s after midnight. Thankfully, since we aren’t early morning people and we are both temporarily laid off, we are able to sleep in if need be. Aslo we’ve been trying to make a kink out of being quiet. I’m not sure how well it’s working, but it keeps our needs met.

Letting things go

I’m not going to get everything I want done. My husband is not going to turn into a person who picks up his socks. The dog is not going to stop licking his paws. I’m trying to let things go as I can. It’s not easy.

Important links:

Deviant Succubus

We are living in extraordinary times at the moment. This is not something that only affects you, your community, your country. It affects everyone in the whole world. So while we are more physically distanced, we are also stronger emotionally connected than ever. We can all relate to each other on different levels: the loneliness from not being able to see our loved ones, the feeling of being stuck because we can’t leave our homes as often as we’d like to, and the fear of contracting a virus that might harm us. We are all struggling with similar overwhelming emotions, and these struggles are what can bring us closer together during these times.

I think for those of us who don’t live with a partner, the new normal also leads to a lack of physical touch and sex. For a lot of people, those things might not be a priority right now, but the loneliness coming from being romantically and sexually alone can create a whole lot of new terrible feelings.

I have been struggling with mental health issues most of my life, and I don’t leave the house too often because of them. So I have discovered a few things that I feel could also be helpful for everyone stuck in quarantines and lockdowns at the moment, and might keep emotions of loneliness, crippling fear, and frustration at bay.

Create

Being creative can give you feelings of accomplishment, can distract and can make you feel better, especially if you are able to express your emotions through it. I am not saying to try to pick up a new hobby. No, that is a lot of pressure when you are overwhelmed. Pick what you enjoy doing. It can be anything from writing, journaling, scrapbooking, drawing, painting, dancing, doing makeup, taking pictures to gardening, cooking and baking, or starting a podcast. Do what you like, be creative and let those emotions out in healthy ways.

Rest

We don’t allow ourselves to rest enough during times of stress. Not only does that make us more susceptible to scary viruses, but it also affects our mental health negatively. While it is important to stick to routines to not slide into depression, it is okay to sleep a bit longer in the mornings It is fine to take naps. And it is definitely great to make time for self-care: things you do for your physical and mental well-being. Masturbation is self-care too, by the way, and a fantastic way to relax and feel more connected to your body.

Connect

Let’s be honest: it sucks that we can’t be physically close to the people we love right now. But that doesn’t mean we can’t be with them. We can spend time on FaceTime, on Zoom, we can watch Netflix together. There are so many ways to connect, and although they might not seem like the real thing: seeing someone who you love is still better than not meeting them at all. And sex chats, video sex sessions and phone sex are options too, if you feel lonely in a different way. This is especially important to stay connected in long distance relationships at the moment.

Distract

Distraction is not a bad thing! It gets us through difficult times, and it is a legit way to spend your days, weeks and months in lockdown. Right now it is about survival, not only physically, but also emotionally. And you can do whatever it takes to survive. I personally enjoy reading and watching Netflix to distract myself, but there are so many different things one could do: play video games, listen to music, spend time with your kids/pets, doodle and do adult colouring. If you are into reading, you can check out all the awesome sexbloggers out there!

I think it is important to keep in mind that all those reminders of using this time to learn new skills and to improve oneself, often add extra pressure. It is important to not lose routines and structures and to get through this time without losing touch with who you are. Create, rest, connect and distract. And know that you are not alone. We are all in this together.

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Spices of Lust

Me being silly

For the last three weeks, we have been practicing social distancing. We did not leave our apartment except to get groceries.

The situation in New York is scary and it worries me. Ambulance sounds can be heard way too often But what worries me, even more, are the people. Way too many people are outside, hanging out and not caring.

I don’t see this ending soon here, not with all the recklessness that is going on.

On the other hand, we are trying to invent new ways to stay occupied, creative and focused. So far, we enjoyed most of the time inside our apartment.

I’ll write down two lists: what to do with your blog (now when you have extra time) and what to do – in general.

So let’s go.

This is my blog to-do list:

Blog backup – we saved all the posts from our blog in separate Word files. Just in case.
Organizing the data – I created folders for all the categories on our blog and created folders for all the blog posts, including the folders for image and social media images. This way everything is prepared and in one place.
Compress the images on your blog – this one will take time (especially if you have lots of pictures on your blog). We use this website to compress and then re-upload pictures to the blog. Read our article on Linkedin to find out why and how to compress images correctly.
Rename your images correctly for SEO.
Start promoting your blog on a new social media network (Pinterest, Reddit or Linkedin).
Start using Canva to create your social media images.

Hit us up if you have any questions related to the blog to-do list, let’s talk.

And now, a few suggestions what to do in general:

Cook. This is the best time to brush up your cooking skills. Youtube your favorite want-to-learn recipe and try it out.
Call your friends. Quarantine is an amazing opportunity to reconnect with your friends. Pour yourself your favorite drink and turn on facetime. Personally, I don’t remember the last time when I talked with my friends this much.
Go through your sex toy collection. Take all toys out, clean and reorganize if needed.
Sex. If you live with your partner have as much sex as you can. Put on some music if there is somebody else in the apartment/ house with you and just go.
Download Tik Tok. Yes, I know. I was too, very hesitant and reluctant but in the end, I downloaded it from the Play store. There is a lot of stupid, uninteresting stuff but I did find a great number of funny clips and lots of photography hacks, great travel photos, etc…
Learn a skill you always wanted. Start with YouTube because it is free and then continue with Skillshare, Lynda or Udemy (if you are a SEO and marketing junkie like me – Ahrefs and Moz made their courses free at the moment).
Start a journal. It does not have to be about Coronavirus.
Exercise. And before you start with all the excuses – no – you do not need a shitload of weights and equipment.
Go through your stuff and like Marie Kondo says, throw everything that doesn’t spark joy.
And, as you might have guessed, watch Marie Kondo on Netflix, just like us.