Haven’t heard of a lingam massage? You are not alone! Read along and by the time you finish reading this article, you’ll find out what it is and how to give lingam massage.
”Lingam” is a Sanskrit word that loosely translates to ”wand of light” or ”penis.” A lingam massage is a bit different than your classic hand job. This is part of tantric sex practices which put the emphasis on the connection between partners and channeling energy rather than just getting to climax as fast as possible.
Why should I explore tantric-style sex?
Tantric-style sex focuses on bringing the partners into the present, helping them connect and align with one another, and channeling energy for sexual or spiritual purposes. People enjoy practicing tantric sex because it is about the connection and energy between partners.
For a lot of folks, sex can seem transactional or lacking in connection. Tantric practices provide methods to enhance and deepen your connection through sex.
A lingam massage brings together technique, breath, energy, and setting to create a deep connection between partners. This post will walk you through each aspect to create a great lingam massage experience.
Breathing techniques & lingam massage
A lingam massage includes setting the environment for you and a partner to connect deeply. It includes breathing and mindfulness techniques. The sexual acts are used to enhance the connection rather than the other way around.
Breathing is an important aspect of tantric sex. You can practice this on your own or with a partner. Here are the steps to engage in mindful breathing:
- Find a space where you can be focused and quiet.
- Inhale slowly, focusing on the flow of air in through your nose.
- Feel the air fill your lungs and your body.
- Pause at the top of the inhalation.
- Exhale slowly through your mouth and nose, paying attention to releasing any negative energy in your body.
- Repeat.
Whether you are practicing a lingam massage on yourself or a partner, breathe slowly and mindfully for a few minutes before you begin to touch yourself or a partner.
If you are practicing the lingam massage with a partner, work to bring your breathing into sync with theirs. This can be done by agreeing who will lead the breathing. The lead begins with the inhale-exhale process and the other partner follows their rhythm.
Alternatively, you can place one hand on your partner’s chest and one on their belly. Use the pace of their breathing to sync yours. As your breathing comes to mirror their breath, you will feel calmer and your energy begins to connect with theirs.
Setting the room for lingam massage
For the best experience, you will want to make sure the room you are in is set up properly to practice a lingam massage. The room should:
- Have dimmed lighting.
- Light a candle or a few for ambiance.
- Quiet, meditative music or silence is optimal.
- Make sure the room smells nice.
- Put clean linens on the bed.
Preparing the room properly will add to the experience of a lingam massage.
Using lubricants and oils is the key to successful lingam massage
Lubricant or oil is your best friend in this practice! Using a personal lubricant or oil (e.g., massage oil, coconut oil) will help your hands glide smoothly over the massaged areas and enhance the experience.
I prefer personal lubricants to food oils for lingam massages for a couple of reasons. Personal lubricants are designed to hold up to extended massaging and they tend to stain the sheets less than oil. Regardless of your choice, you want to choose a lubricant or oil your partner is not allergic too! Many sites suggest coconut oil for a lingam massage. However, there are a lot of folks with coconut allergies, so make sure to check with a partner before using any oil with coconut in it!
Additional consideration should be given to the lubricating product if you plan to have sex after you give someone a lingam massage. Oil-based lubricants will quickly degrade a latex condom. If you are planning on using latex condoms after the massage, make sure you use a water-based lubricant.
Massage oils offer a great set of options for lingam massages. These products are designed specifically for massaging someone. This means they will hold up to prolonged rubbing and sink into the person’s skin. Many work to prevent an oily or sticky feeling as the product builds up during a massage.
Sliquid offers a number of personal massage oils that work well for lingam massages. The ‘Escape’ product by Sliquid is a wonderful smelling and long-lasting oil. This product is made with a number of tree nut and other nut oils, so make sure you check with a partner about allergies before using.
Intimate Earth offers a line of massage oils as well. Their product “Heaven” is another option for a wonderful smelling, long lasting massage oil.
If you are looking for a double-duty product for a lingam massage, try a massage candle. These candles are made with solid oils which melt when the candle is lit and then become liquid lubricating oils. A massage candle has the added benefit of making the oil warm before you apply it to you or a partner. Lelo offers a lovely option to check out.
If you are looking for a water-based option, Sliquid Sea is made with nori, seaweed, and other natural products for a long-lasting slick feel without additives which a partner may be allergic to. If moving onto oral sex after the lingam massage, you may want to consider a flavored lubricant. Intimate Earth offers a full line of flavored, edible lubricants that will transition from lingam massage to oral sex nicely.
Know your anatomy
To properly do a lingam massage, you need to know the anatomy you are working with. There is the shaft and head of the penis. The area above the shaft (pubis), the area between the testicles and anus (perineum), the anus, and the prostate. If you are a penis owner, take some time to feel around in this area and familiarize yourself with your own anatomy. If you are working on a partner, ask them how different sensations feel. People vary widely between the types of pressure and touch they enjoy in all these different areas.
If you’re not 100% sure what is where – check the penis anatomy.
If you are not fully comfortable handling a penis (yours or someone else’s) when you practice lingam massage, ask for feedback about sensations, pressures, and techniques. If you are masturbating, pay attention to the way your body responds to various types of touching. Don’t skip your testicles or anus just because you haven’t masturbated with them before. This is a great time to explore!
If you are not the one getting the massage, ask for lots of feedback the first few times you give it a try. As you and your partner become more comfortable with the technique and communicating about it, the more you can hone your skills.
I have a room and lube, now what?
Once you have prepared the space you will be performing the massage, its time to move into the full activity!
Begin by getting the penis owner relaxed. If you are doing this to yourself, get comfortable and begin to breathe slowly. If you are working with a partner, the person getting the massage should lie back or sit in a comfortable position. They will need to have their legs open so that you can reach all their genitalia. It may be useful to place a pillow under their hips or their knees for support.
Breathe
Begin by slowly breathing. If you are working with a partner, spend a few minutes breathing deeply together. As your breathing syncs, take time to appreciate the connection between the two of you.
Thighs and belly
Don’t jump right to the penis! Start by gently massaging the belly, upper thighs, and inner thighs. This gentle massage in these areas will further help the penis-haver relax. As they (or you) relax, you should notice your energy begins to flow more freely through your body. Continue to connect with your breath as you are massaged.
Testicles and scrotum
Once you have your partner and you are relaxed, move onto the scrotum and testicles. You can gently stroke the scrotum with your fingers. You may want to cup the scrotum and gently squeeze or tug on it. Some people enjoy having their testicles rolled between fingers and manipulated separately within the scrotum. If you are not the one with the scrotum being massaged, ask your partner what is enjoyable. Additionally, watch their face and body for reactions to your touch.
Penis
When you are ready, move on to working on the penis. There are several techniques that work well to stimulate the shaft and glans (head). Mix up these techniques and your pacing to get you (or your partner) to edge but not climax.
- Use one hand to stroke from the base of the shaft up to the tip of the glans and back down. Alternate with speed and tighter/looser grips.
- Use two hands. One hand strokes up and down the shaft and the other massages the head of the penis.
- Use two hands to stroke up and down the shaft and glans together. Alternate this with both hands on the shaft, one holds the base and the other strokes.
- Use one or two hands in a gentle twisting motion.
Edit:
We did an exceptional piece of content (probably our best piece of content so far) for The Sex Shed – we did a video guide showing 24 handjob techniques. It is a must-see, whether you want to practice lingam massage or just want to improve your handjob skills.
On top of the video guide, Rebecca (author of this article), wrote an extensive handjob guide and gave out some really useful tips, positions, etc. We highly recommend it!
Involve the testicles and penis
As your partner (or you) begin to edge, move from just stimulating the penis to stimulating the penis and scrotum. Cup the scrotum in one hand and hold or pull gently while stroking the penis. You may want to alternate stimulating the scrotum and testicles with stimulating the penis to keep your partner on the edge of climax without reaching ejaculation.
Exterior stimulation of the Sacred Spot
The “sacred spot” in lingam massage is the prostate. You can stimulate this internally or externally. If you (or your partner) is not experienced with anal play, begin with external stimulation.
To stimulate the prostate externally, locate the spongey area behind the scrotum but in front of the anus (the taint). It will range from the size of a pea to the size of a walnut, depending on the person. Gently press against this spot with a fingertip or knuckle. Make sure to communicate with your partner about the feeling and desired pressure.
Interior stimulation of the Sacred Spot
If you and your partner are comfortable, try stimulating the prostate internally. This can be done with a prostate toy or with your fingers.
If you opt to use your fingers, make sure your nails are clean and filed BEFORE penetrating the anus! You don’t want to tear the delicate skin in this area with jagged nails or cuticles. If you are concerned about your nails or worried about cleanliness, donning a pair of nitrile gloves is a great option.
Lubricate your finger well. Gently penetrate the first inch or so of the anus. Let your partner get used to the sensation. Once they are comfortable, continue to slowly penetrate them. The prostate is located about three inches inside the anus, up toward the belly button. Curl your finger up toward their navel and search for the spongy area. Press slowly or stroke the prostate to stimulate it.
Prostate Toys
If you want to use a prostate stimulating toy to stimulate the prostate, select one that will best work for you or your partner.
Size
If you or your partner have not had much practice with anal penetration, you will want to begin small- very small! Try picking up an anal trainer set to begin your exploration of anal play. These kits come with an anal douche and at least three different sized butt plugs. Start with the smallest plug. Make sure it is well lubricated and insert it. Try wearing it before you try a lingam massage to get use to the sensation. Over time, work up to larger sized plugs.
Materials
For anal toys, the best options are non-porous, body-safe, and easy to clean. Purchasing a toy made of silicone, borosilicate glass, or metal is a good choice for a prostate toy. These toys are designed to be body safe, capable of full sterilization, and they feel great! If you have not used glass or metal butt toys in the past, go with a smaller than usual option. Both borosilicate glass and metal are unyielding. These toys will feel bigger and firmer than silicone options of the same size you may have used.
Vibrating?
This will depend on the user’s preference. Some people only want the feeling of fullness and pressure. If this is you, a vibrating option may be too stimulating or distracting to use successfully. If you enjoy having your prostate stroked or pushed up against, a vibrating toy is a better choice.
Great prostate toys
For users looking for a non-vibrating plug that will make you feel full and put pressure on the prostate during a lingam massage, the Fun Factory Bootie Plug is a great choice! This solid silicone plug comes in three size options (small, medium, large) and has the right curve to reach your sacred spot!
For users looking for vibration and external as well as external stimulation, the Lelo Bruno is a smart buy! This toy has two separate motors to provide external and internal stimulation. It can be positioned to stimulate the prostate internally and externally at the same time, greatly enhancing a lingam massage.
Le Wand Stainless Swerve is a sexy, sleek toy with lots of different options! This metal wand comes with a beaded end and a smooth, thicker end. Use the beaded side to start small and work up for prostate stimulation. Use the thicker side to get right to business.
To climax or not to climax
At this point, your partner and you have built up a substantial amount of sexual energy. You can decide together if you want to have them climax now or move onto other sexual activities. If your partner (or you) is practicing semen retention, you may want to change up activities to allow them to be less stimulated sexually at this moment.
Once you finish your session (with or without a climax) spend some time quietly breathing together and staying connected. Enjoy the energy flowing between each other and the sense of connection you have developed.
What if my partner is body-sensitive?
Just because you or a partner has a penis does not mean they are body-confident! Plenty of penis-havers worry about they way they look. This can mean a lingam massage may be intimidating or uncomfortable for them. Having a partner pay close attention to their body and needs may make your partner feel awkward.
If this is the case for you or a partner, try just a little bit of lingam massage before moving onto other activities. If you or your partner is more comfortable with different sexual activities, suggest starting with a lingam massage and agree to move on to other activities when they request to do so.
You may want to try complimenting or praising your partner during the massage. Let them know what you find sexy or attractive about them. Gently kiss their belly and thighs and tell them they are handsome or sexy or smell great. They may feel weird the first time you do this, but over time, this type of gentle compliment can build their esteem.
What if my partner doesn’t like a slow hand job?
Some people with penises are used to masturbating by taking a firm grip and yanking away at high speed until they climax. It can take time to learn to enjoy a different type of hand job.
If you find you or a partner finds the lingam massage to feel too slow when you begin it, you can cut it short and get to the climax or other sexual activities as desired. If this isn’t working for one or both of you, it is okay to stop and move on to something else.
If this is something you or your partner want to explore but the other party is unsure, negotiate a time period to give it a try. Dedicate ten minutes in one session to lingam massage. Or suggest you try it three times before abandoning the practice. Just because you or they don’t like it the first go does not mean you will not grow to enjoy it.
Finally, consider alternating your (or your partner’s) masturbation techniques. Try giving yourself a slow hand job a couple of times to begin to adjust to a new type of touch.
Is touching the anus a health issue?
People get very concerned about anal play and cleanliness. There are simple steps you and your partner can take to make sure the area is cleared for play.
If you are not penetrating the anus, gently cleanse the area with warm water prior to play. You may also want to get toilet wipes to clean the area externally prior to play.
If you are penetrating the anus, a gentle anal douching can clear out any poop. Purchase a small anal douche. Fill it with warm water (not hot!), lubricate the insertable part, and empty the water into your bum. Hold the water for a minute or two and then allow it to flow out. Repeat this process until the water runs clean. Then, gently cleanse the exterior portion of your bum with warm water or a cleaning wipe.
If you are still concerned about getting a little poo under your nails, wearing nitrile or latex gloves for anal penetration is a great option. Just remember to lubricate the fingers prior to inserting them into an orifice!
Is this a gay thing?
No. Some men worry that inserting anything into their bum will make them gay. There is not a magic switch on your prostate someone can touch and *poof* you are gay. The prostate is a highly sensitive gland that many people enjoy having stimulated during sex. If you enjoy this, it does not make you gay.
If you like having this gland stroked by a person of the same sex and you identify as gay or bi, then you are gay. Outside of those circumstances, stimulating a prostate will not “make you gay.” It may, however, make you climax.
Where can I learn more about tantric sex practices?
Books
Carrelles, Barbara. (2017). Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the 21st Century. 2nd edition, Penguin Books.
Richardson, Diana. (2001). The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfillment.
Swami Satyananda Saraswati. (2006). Kundalini Tantra. Bihar School of Yoga publishing.
Blogs
http://www.TantraIsLove.com/blog/
From our workshop
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