Dildos are the earliest recorded sex toy, dating back more than 28,000 years! Despite being here for eons, and the fact most of you are aware of what they are, many of you have not mastered their use. From selecting the right dildo for you and your partners, to understanding how to wield it with the precision of a Jedi, this post is here for you!
Dildoes 101
Before you can wield a dildo, you must have one! It is easy to become overwhelmed with choices when shopping for a dildo. The variety of sizes, materials, colors, and other options make it difficult to select the perfect dildo for you (and your partners). Follow along to figure out what dildoes might work for you.
Materials
The most critical element in selecting a dildo is to make sure it is body-safe. Body-safe materials include silicone, ABS plastic, metal, and borosilicate glass. These materials can be fully sterilized and prevent the growth of bacteria and fungus. They do not leach harmful substances when inserted into the body.
Other mostly safe options include wood, crystals, and stone. These materials can be body safe. However, these materials are porous and complete sterilization between partners may not be possible. When using dildos made of these materials, make sure you designate a single user.
Dildos made of jelly material, PVC (polyvinyl chloride), latex, and fantasy flesh/cyber skin are not body safe and should not be inserted into the body. These products have additives and chemicals which may be harmful to the body when absorbed through the skin or mucous membranes. They also cannot be fully sterilized.
A special note on toys marked as “silicone” and “body safe” when listed on Amazon, eBay or other “we sell-everything” websites. Many of these toys are made in China or other countries without strict labeling laws. When selling these toys in the United States, manufacturers can label the product as made of body-safe silicone if they do not call it “medical grade.” The FDA does not regulate the labeling of non-medical grade silicone. This means “silicone” toys may include additives and chemicals to the silicone making them unsafe.
Real silicone toys should not burn or melt when a flame is applied. There should not be any oily sensation or oozing when handling the toy. The smell should be extremely mild if at all present. If your toy has a strong chemical smell, feels oily or greasy, or melts and burns when a flame is applied, you do not have a body-safe toy.
Size and shape considerations
Dildos come in a huge variety of shapes and sizes. There is no one “right” shape or size dildo that is great for everyone.
When it comes to size, consider how you will be using the dildo. Will you be the one having it inserted or will you be using it on a partner? Every body is unique. Choose a size which is comfortable for the person it is being inserted into and for the play you will be doing.
Some of you enjoy G-spot penetration. A shorter dildo (125mm or less) with a curve will be best for reaching the G-spot for most people.
For someone who prefers a sensation of fullness and pressure, a larger dildo is a better option. Consider both the length and width of the dildo when choosing. The average vaginal canal is 10 to 12.5cm long when aroused. Dildos longer than 13cm will end up outside the vagina. This may be appealing for people who enjoy the look of a large toy inserted into themselves or a partner.
The average vaginal opening differs significantly between people and between an aroused and unaroused state. Unaroused vaginal openings can be quite small. This is why tampons stay inside when inserted but a penis or dildo may be comfortably inserted when aroused. Additionally, the muscles which control the size of the opening can be trained to relax in order to accommodate much larger sized items. This is why acts like fisting can take time to learn but become enjoyable.
Depending on the person, a very narrow dildo may be pleasurable or a very large one may do the trick! If you have previously inserted something into your vagina (or your partner’s) measure the circumference of that item. This may be a penis, fingers, or an inanimate object. This will give you a sense of how wide of a toy you may want to buy.
If you have no idea how wide or long of a toy to buy, you can try different things at home to gauge the size which works for you. Common items include carrots, cucumbers, and beer bottles. If you are using any form of fruit or vegetable to help gauge size, peel the item first. The skins of vegetables and fruit can contain irritants. If you are using a bottle, make sure you wash it thoroughly and use a cork to plug it. An open bottle top can become suctioned to the cervix, requiring surgical removal. For all items inserted into the vagina for measurement, it is a good idea to put a condom on them to protect yourself.
If you are inserting a dildo into an anus, make sure that the base is larger than the widest insertable part. When your rectum relaxes and opens for anal sex, it can pull in material. A large base will mean it is stopped before being pulled inside of you.
Dildo measurements come in total length, insertable length, width at widest point and width at the narrowest point. Insertable length is the length which may be fully inserted into an orifice.
Total length is from tip to base of the dildo. Some dildoes come with handles which ease thrusting when using by hand. Others offer suction cup bases, testicles, or other ways to secure it to a harness.
When shopping for a dildo, it is best to do when you are not aroused. Shopping for a sex toy while aroused is like shopping for food when you are hungry. You may purchase much more than you can handle!
Shapes
Dildos come in a range of shapes. The first distinction is realistic versus not realistic. Realistic dildos are shaped to look like a human penis. Some offer foreskin representation while most dildoes on the market offer circumcised models.
For people who enjoy how a penis looks and who prefer more realism to their sex play will prefer these kinds of dildos.
Dildos also come in a huge range of non-realistic options. Some dildos are very minimal in their design. Dildos from Hot Cherry often offer high functionality with minimal resemblance to an actual phallus. Some dildos do not resemble a penis at all. Instead, they are designed for function. The Crave Forte Dil for example is a sleek glass dildo perfect for gently thrusting into your partner.
Feel
Feel is incredibly important when it comes to any sex toy.
Silicone toys are soft and flexible to the touch. They warm with use. These toys are great for using with a harness and thrusting-type penetration. Some silicone dildos are made with several layers offering a firmer core and a softer exterior. This is like many memory foam mattresses. The firmer core provides the desired support and rigidity while the softer exterior is pleasurable up against the skin.
Glass dildos and metal dildos are very firm and unyielding. If you are looking for the ability to press on a G-spot or prostate these materials are great options. Glass and metal dildos may be heated with warm water or cooled with ice water to introduce various temperature sensations.
Colors
Dildos come in a huge range of colors. There is a wide variety of skin tones for realistic dildos. This is a huge improvement over the products of a decade ago. Now, you can find a realistic dildo to match most skin tones. There are also solid colors, multicolored ones, pride flag-colored ones, and glass ones with colored designs housed in a clear glass covering.
Using a dildo
Dildoes are versatile toys! They can be used for solo play, with a partner, by hand, in a harness, or suction-cupped to something. The variety of styles allows people of all abilities and ages to find a dildo which works for you!
Thrusting options
Dildoes are often used with a thrusting motion during insertive sex. Thrusting may be done by holding and moving the dildo; by suction-cupping a dildo to something and riding it; or, by attaching a dildo to a harness and thrusting with your hips, thigh, or other body part.
Thrusting is not simply moving a dildo in and out of an orifice. Most people make the mistake of thinking a dildo thrust is only adjustable in its speed. The best thrusting comes from changing the pace, the depth of insertion, the angle of insertion, and adding a swirling motion to the thrust.
Most people with a cervix do not enjoy having a dildo hit their cervix repeatedly. This can be quite painful for many people. Start by experimenting with the depth of insertion. Insert a dildo just to the area of the G-spot (about 3 inches in for most people with a vagina) and then pull back and repeat the thrust. Angling a straight dildo slightly upward toward the person’s belly button will help stimulate the G-Spot. If you have a curved dildo, make sure the curve goes up toward the G-spot for stimulation.
Try inserting the dildo to different depths. Begin with just barely penetrating the vaginal or anal opening. Then work in deeper in after the person becomes aroused. Work to full penetration and then return to more shallow depths. This technique of slowly inching inward is especially useful for anal penetration as it allows the receiving person to adjust to the depth of penetration more comfortably.
Alter your speed of penetration. Move between quick strokes and long, luxurious sliding in and out of an opening. The change in depth and pace creates tension which can increase arousal for both partners.
Harnesses
Using your hand to hold the base of a dildo and thrust it gives you the greatest control over speed, depth, and angle. Once you have a feel for what you and your partner(s) enjoy, you may want to choose a harness to go with your dildo.
Dildo harnesses come with a ring to hold the toy in place during sex. You will need a dildo with enough of a base to secure it and assure it does not slip out during play. The dildoes in the Nexus line from Tantus are a great model which fit most harnesses.
Harnesses come in a huge variety, just like dildos.
Panty Style
Panty-style harnesses are harnesses built into underwear. They come in briefs, boy-shorts, and other variations on underwear styles. Panty-style harnesses allow for the wearer to have their genitals covered and offer a high level of support for the dildo. This is a great option for people who want to wear insertable toys (e.g., Tenga eggs, cock rings) while using a dildo to penetrate a partner. They are also an excellent choice for people who struggle with gender dysphoria.
There are hip harnesses which come with a waist strap and one or two straps around the legs supporting a dildo holder over the pubic bone. These harnesses allow for a high level of customization of fit. The straps are adjustable, allowing the wearer to create their ideal fit and feel while wearing the harness. These harnesses offer a mid-level of support for the dildo. You may experience some tugging feeling while walking with a large dildo in this harness. Once on, the hip harnesses allow for a lot of control while penetrating a partner.
There are harnesses which use areas other than the hips and pubis to support the dildo. Chest harnesses, thigh harnesses, chin harnesses and more are popular options for some people. Chest harnesses allow the person being penetrated to sit on their partner’s chest and ride the dildo. This position allows the penetrating partner to use their fingers or mouth to stimulate other areas while their partner is being penetrated.
Thigh harnesses are great options for people who have back or hip injuries or limitations. Thigh harnesses fit around the upper leg and the penetrated partner can straddle the leg and ride facing toward or away from their partner. This type of harness allows for intimacy, full body contact, and takes stress off the hips and lower back for the person doing the penetrating.
No thrusting needed
Some people enjoy a feeling of fullness of either their vagina or anus while receiving other forms of stimulation. Choosing a dildo which is large enough to provide an ongoing sense of fullness is key for this style of stimulation.
Metal and glass dildoes are not flexible. Their firmness creates a sense of fullness and presence with a smaller size than is needed for the same sensation using a silicone dildo. Choosing the nJoy Fun Wand, for example, allows a person to be penetrated at several different depths and have the toy left in place while other parts of the body are stimulated.
Adding temperature play to metal and glass dildos can add intense sensations to play as well. Prior to inserting the toy, put it in a glass of ice water or a warm water bath. Allow the toy to cool or heat up as desired. Make sure to check to see if the toy is too cold or too hot before putting on sensitive bits by testing the temperature on your inner wrist.
You may want to choose a larger silicone toy like the Fun Factory Boss. This toy can be inserted, left in place, and then other body parts can be stimulated to increase the intensity of the climax.
Safety first
Any dildo can become a problem if it is not properly cleaned! Before the first use, and then after every use, make sure to clean your dildo with hot, soapy water. This will remove any bacteria or other particles which may cause infection later.
Thrusting actions can cause damage to the vagina, anus, or mouth if done too rigorously. Communicate throughout your play to make sure you and your partner(s) are not feeling unwanted pain. When using metal, glass, wood, or stone dildoes, go slowly and be gentle. These materials are unyielding and more likely to cause harm if used too roughly.
Lubrication is key
With any insertion toy, make sure to use a lot of personal lubricant. Even if you or your partner get very wet while aroused, lubricant will make sex more enjoyable. If you are penetrating the anus, make sure you use lubricant. The anus is not a self-lubricating orifice and ALWAYS needs added lubricant. If using a dildo with lubricant and then inserting it into the mouth, choose a lubricant which can be safely consumed.
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