So you want to buy a sex machine. Yay! This is the start of a thrilling journey into your sexual exploration. But now, you are left with the questions of which machine? How do I know this is the right one for me? How do I avoid buying something really expensive which will not work for me?
If you avoid these five big mistakes and follow the buying guide below, there is a significant chance you will end up with a sex machine you and your partner(s) will enjoy for years.
Mistake #1. You let price determine what sex machine you will buy.
Sex machines can be very expensive. Some, like the popular Symbian and Cowgirl sell for well over $1,200 (US). Prices this high are known to have an impact on customer buying decisions. For most of you, the higher the price point, the more likely you are to believe that the product is worth the price. The same machine priced at $1,500 will appear to be superior to the same machine priced at $700.
Do not assume that the more expensive a machine is, the better it will be. Read the reviews (the one’s not on Amazon). Sex machines are increasingly popular. This means that many magazines now do articles about them. Articles in Cosmo, GQ, Playboy and other major magazines consult professional sex educators and toy reviewers to get the scoop on how the machines work and what the favorites are. Check out these sources to see what the experts are saying.
You can also check out reviews by professional sex toy reviewers. There are thousands of sex toy reviewer sites (OhJoySexToy.com and HeyEpiphora.com are very highly regarded). These reviewers provide honest reviews about the toys after they have used them. When you find a toy reviewer you agree with on other sex toys, you can probably trust their reviews about sex toy machines.
Conversely, do not buy a toy just because you can afford it. If your budget is tight, do not settle for a toy based on price. Many knock-off sex toy versions are cheaper than the one’s they stole the design from. However, there is a pretty big chance they are made from knock-off materials, will fail within a few uses, or show up and not look at all like the item you ordered.
Mistake #2: You trust Amazon.com reviews.
Many people choose to buy sex toys from Amazon. Admittedly, it is convenient and there is a huge selection of products to choose from. Here is what you may not know about toys sold on Amazon.com.
Quality is Not a Priority
Amazon allows any vendor, anywhere, to set up a shop. They can sell sex toys with all sorts of descriptions and promises without the fear of legal repercussions for the most part. There are very few regulations when it comes to labeling the materials used in making sex toys, disclosures about quality and safety, or any information about whether the toy which is shipped actually resembles the item you ordered.
Many vendors pay for 5-star reviews
Item placement on Amazon is driven in large part by the reviews, both about quality and the number of reviews. Vendors have figured this out. They approach people randomly on Twitter and other social media, offer them a free sex toy in exchange for a review. They focus on people who are not professional toy reviewers because they do not want accurate reviews. If a review is any less than 5-stars, they put pressure on the reviewer to remove the review or to change it to a 5-star review. Any reviewer who gives a less than stellar 5-star review will not be asked to do future reviews.
Vendors of cheap sex toys do not want a professional review because much of the time their toys do not make the cut for a good review. Professional toy reviewers will check the veracity of claims about body-safe silicone by applying the flame test, the sniff test, and the taste test. Professional reviewers test for the endurance of a toy. If it dies after a few uses, that is mentioned in the review. Professional reviewers also look at things like overly gendered language in marketing, labor practices of the company, and environmental impacts of packaging and toy parts. Many Amazon.com vendors score poorly in these areas.
Investing in a toy from a high-quality site which just sell sex toys and offers real reviews by reputable reviewers is always going to be a better investment than purchasing a toy on Amazon.com.
Mistake #3: You don’t explore a wide range of options sex machines before you buy.
Finding the right sex machine for you is a lot like Goldilocks finding the right chair. You must test a lot of different options before finding the one that is just right. Unfortunately, there is not a cheap or easy way to get a hands-on test for sex toys (health reasons prevent “demo” models and returns on unsatisfactory toys).
Before you buy a sex machine, put the time into doing the research on types of toys and figuring out what type of sensations you want from a toy.
Personal Preferences
Before investing in a sex machine, figure out what you want the sex machine to do for you. Do you want a sex machine which has both gentle and rough thrusting options? Do you want to have interchangeable dildos for the thruster? Do you want to have a machine that is mounted on something, or do you want a handheld machine? Do you need a machine that is easy to pack in a suitcase or is this something which will remain put? There are so many options you need to narrow down how you will use the machine and what you want from it.
Types of Machines
Sex machines come in a huge variety. There are ones that thrust dildos. Some offer blow job simulations. Some offer masturbation simulations. Some have soundtracks. Some have interchangeable parts. Figuring out what machine options you want takes time and knowledge.
RIDE ATOP MACHINES
Some sex machines are designed to mimic a penetrative partner. The Cowgirl is a popular ride-atop model of this type of machine. Machines in this category offer a penetrative tool (dildo of some kind) and often they include ways to stimulate a clitoris. Many include options for thrusting motions as well as vibrating patterns.
When looking at riding machines, consider how and where you will want to use the machine. Larger models will be difficult to transport. These are designed to stay put at home or in whatever space you choose to house it.
Some riding models will also have weight limits. Make sure the machine you are considering meets the requirements for your weight and size. The machines also have a required hip and thigh expanse to straddle the saddle. Make sure you can accommodate the width and height of the machine before buying.
THRUSTING MACHINES
There is a huge variety of thrusting sex machines. Some look very industrial with stands that support a long pneumatic thrusting rod. Others offer seats over the thrusting mechanism. Some offer the option of multiple thrusters for double penetration action. Others are handheld or suction cup to a surface.
Understanding how you want to use the machine is critical in deciding which one to choose. If you want the machine for solo play, having an option which is controlled through a handheld or remote-control device is a great option. If you are using this machine with partner(s), the control options can be more varied.
Think about the intensity of the thrusting you or your partner enjoys. You want a machine with enough power to meet your needs but don’t want one so strong it hurts.
Spend time looking at things like maintenance and cleaning requirements as well. Some of the more elaborate thrusting machines may meet your sexual needs but also come with increased cleaning and maintenance requirements. You want a machine you will use but you will also be able to keep clean and working!
BLOW JOB MACHINES
Some sex machines are designed to mimic a blow job. These machines come with options for air suction, for sides which inflate and deflate to mimic squeezing, and some offer vibration options as well. When buying a blow job machine, consider what you enjoy with a blow job. Do you prefer a lot of sucking and pressure? Do you want to feel stroking of the shaft while getting the tip sucked? Do you like your balls played with? Knowing what you enjoy will help with choosing the right machine.
Some blow job machines are handheld while others come with suction cups or full support stands. Think about how you enjoy masturbating. Do you want to be able to suction cup the machine to the shower wall? If so, you will need both a waterproof machine and one with a powerful suction cup. If you prefer to lose yourself in a fantasy, a self-supported machine may be a better option than a handheld device.
Mistake #4: Your purchase is based on fantasy and not reality.
Sex involves a lot of fantasy. We create fantasies in our minds, seek out fantasies in erotic stories and film, and we have a fantasy sex life we create for our future self. Fantasizing is a critical part of healthy sex life. However, it is not the best guide for toy purchases.
Before investing in a sex machine of any kind, it is important to take a realistic look at your current sex life and what a sex machine will realistically add to your pleasure. Ask yourself the following questions:
- How often do I use the sex toys I currently own?
- How often do I use sex toys with my partner(s)?
- What do I expect this machine to add to my sex life?
- How often am I having sex with myself and/or someone who will want to use this sex machine?
A good sex machine is like any sex toy- it adds enjoyment to your current sex life. If you have a closet full of sex toys you do not use or only rarely use, ask yourself why. Did they not meet your expectations for sensation and functional use? Did you find them awkward to introduce to a partner? Are you really happy with the sex life you have, and they didn’t add what you wanted?
Alternatively, if you are using sex toys already, they can help you figure out what sex machine is right for you. If you currently have a dildo or two you really enjoy, look for a sex machine with dildo options which are similar to your favorites. Do you have a fleshlight or stroker toy that is amazing? Look for a blow job machine with similar features for the sleeve.
Buying a sex machine of any kind won’t increase the number of partner’s you have. Sexual partners are attracted to you, not a machine in your bedroom. Sex machines won’t magically make your sex drive grow. While having regular sex (either solo or with a partner) can improve your sex drive, purchasing a sex machine and hoping it is the magic pill for a low libido will result in disappointment.
Evaluate how you have sex, what you enjoy when having sex, and if you are going to use a sex machine with a partner if they enjoy using sex toys. If the answer is yes to using toys (either solo or with a partner) and you are looking for a new and fun addition to your sex life, you are on the right track!
Mistake #5: You surprise your partner(s) with a sex machine without talking to them first.
Sex machines are a major purchase for most people. The good ones are expensive, require assembly and storage space, and are not a toy most people think about buying when they first start using sex toys. Additionally, some people are uncomfortable with various types of sex toys.
Do not invest in a sex machine as a gift without talking to your partner first. There is nothing quite as disappointing as revealing this thoughtful and expensive gift and getting, “I’m not using that thing!” as a reply.
If you want to introduce a sex machine into partnered sex, talk to your partner(s) about how they feel about adding one. Ask if they are comfortable watching you use one, using one on you, or having you use one on them (whatever will be appropriate). Ask them how they feel about different models. Your preferences may not fully align with theirs. If that is the case, look for options which will satisfy both (or all) of you.
Choosing the right sex machine
Once you have decided you want to buy a sex machine, take some time to figure out the right options for you. This step-by-step guide will help you identify the ones which will work best for you and/or your partner(s).
What body part do you want to be stimulated?
The first step is to decide which body part(s) you are hoping to stimulate with the machine. There are fucking machines, blow job machines, ride-atop machines, and combination machines. Each stimulate different body parts.
Fucking machines are designed to have a dildo and a way to penetrate and thrust. These machines are best for vaginal and anal stimulation. Some fucking machines offer two insertable parts or attachments with a double dildo on it. Keep in mind, vaginal stimulation can often be rougher and faster than anal stimulation. If you are looking for a fucking machine which can be used for both types of penetration, make sure it comes with variable speeds and options for depth of stroke.
Blow job machines are designed to mimic oral sex on a penis. The biggest factor some people run into is size of the sleeve. Many machines are designed to accommodate about 75 percent of all penises. If you happen to be either on the larger end (greater than 10 cm) or smaller (less than 4 cm long) when erect, you will want to check the dimensions of a sleeve before purchasing it. Width is more forgiving on most machines. However, if you measure more than 10 cm in circumference when fully erect, you will want to make sure the machine can accommodate you.
Ride-atop machines come with a dildo on a saddle-style machine. This provides insertive options and many offer various pad styles to add stimulation to the clitoris or scrotum. Similar to fucking machines, you will want to make sure the dildo options are similar to the dildos you currently enjoy.
Additionally, ride-atop machines require you to straddle them. Make sure that the width of the machine can be comfortably straddled by the user. For people with hip, knee, and lower back injuries, make sure you are comfortable on your knees with minimal support for at least 15 minutes before purchasing a ride-atop machine.
How do you want to stimulate that body part?
Spend some time thinking and experimenting with how you enjoy being stimulated. When buying a sex machine, read reviews and see how people mention the machine feels while in use. If they use words that match how you like to be stimulated, chances are you have a good match! If you enjoy “rumbly” and “thuddy” sensations while being penetrated, look for a machine described as such. If you enjoy having your penis squeezed rather than sucked, look for a blow job machine that offers “squeezing” sensations.
Will this machine be dedicated to one person or will multiple people use it?
If you are buying this machine for solo use or dedicated use by a partner, the user’s needs will be the most important consideration. However, some people choose to share the machine or use it with multiple partners. If you are buying a machine that will be used by more than one person, look for one with multiple attachment options. Sex machines like the Vac-u-lock by Motorbunny come with a huge variety of options for insertables and works for both vaginal and anal stimulation.
Will it meet your other physical needs?
How the machine will stimulate your bits (or those of a partner) are not the only considerations when buying a sex machine. You will want to make sure that you or the person operating the machine can do it comfortably. This means that the buttons, knobs, or dials used to operate the machine can be managed by the person’s hands. If you have arthritis, carpal tunnel syndrome, or other hand and wrist issues, check the reviews to see if people mention that the buttons or levers are small or hard to manipulate. This is a sign they may not work for you.
If you are looking for a handheld machine, check the weight and reviews about the vibrations. Again, people with hand and wrist limitations will want a machine which can be comfortably held while in use. If the machine is too large or heavy, hand use will be limited. In that case, look for a machine with a suction cup or other support to aid in use.
Do you have space for this machine?
Most machines are quite compact and designed to be stored. Almost all handheld options will tuck away in a drawer or closet. Other machines can be larger and require more storage. Consider where you will put your machine while not in use. Most people do not want a sex machine hanging out in the middle of the bedroom or garage among their workout equipment and holiday décor. Make sure you have space to house the machine. It is a small issue at first, but you don’t want to resent having to move your shoes in the closet to shove in your great new toy when the parents drop by for dinner.
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