Q&A: Couple Of Secrets

Welcome to our 21. interview and to the first interview with a couple – Couple of Secrets. As always, we’re glad and grateful to see you here.

We had a chance to exchange some questions and thoughts with another blogging couple – Aliki and Xander from a Couple of Secrets blog.

Although there is some similarity between our blogs, Aliki and Xander have more experience and this interview was very insightful for us.

You’ll read about them and Couple of Secrets blog, and also you’ll find out who is kinkier and how to take a good erotic photo. Let’s dive into the interview – we hope you’ll enjoy in it as much as we did.

Do you want to see more? Visit their blog, Twitter or Facebook account.

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Q&A – Couple of Secrets

Hello Aliki, hello Xander! I’m so excited! One more couple to join us for Q&A!

Please, tell us a bit about yourself.

Hi there, we are Aliki and Xander, two sex-positive 40plussers in a long-term relationship. We are a normal couple, like many others: parents, writers, busy professionals and, above all, passionate lovers.

From the beginning of our relationship, we set out to disprove the old axiom that sex becomes boring as relationships advance. And, so far, it looks like we are succeeding!

Together we are exploring our sexual fantasies and fetishes in the safety of the love and mutual respect of a committed partnership. We are into tantra, swinging, light BDSM, but also date nights, candle dinners and gaming weekends.

And we are still exploring! Nothing new under the sun? Oh, we know, but we are thrilled to see how our relationship and sexuality evolves with time and how after all these years we remain each other’s one and only object of lust. Works for us!

When and how did you decide to start a blog? What inspired you?

In the beginning of our relationship, we were into exhibitionism/ voyeurism -that’s how we visited our first swingers club in fact. What better place to have sex in public, right? If you don’t care to be arrested for indecent exposure at least.

Anyway, afterwards, we tentatively shared our experience with some close friends. We were just testing the waters, half-expecting an outcry. To our surprise though, pretty much everybody from our environment was intrigued and wanted to know more details. Like practical things.

Where did we go to? Did we have to register by our real names? What was the arrangement between us? What did we wear? What did we take off? Was it really Aliki who picked the clubs? And, most pressingly, did we think they could convince their partners to go to a Club too?

You see, sexual curiosity is an integral part of human nature and a very healthy part of it too. We felt we had something to say when it comes to how a loving couple can find its way in a path of sexual exploration.

So, one day Xander came back home with a present: he had bought us a domain name. Couple of Secrets was born! It made perfect sense for us. Part-time writers and full-time lovers, in Couple of Secrets we combine our passion for writing with our passion for sex.

I have to ask, who is kinkier – Aliki or Xander?

Depends on who you ask! Aliki would point at Xander straight ahead.

He has a vivid sexual imagination, a natural inexorable curiosity and is effortlessly free of prejudices. He has to be the kinky one, right? It’s true too. Xander hardly backs off from trying anything new, even if it is just for the experience.

Aliki, on the other hand, is often less adventurous and more hesitant. She usually knows what she wants -and what she doesn’t- and will not cross new lines if she is only half convinced. When she does like something, though, she goes for it and owns it entirely.

Which is why Xander insists that deep down she is the kinkier of the two. After all, it was her who first had the idea to go to a swingers club!

Truth is that, as it is often the case between couples, Aliki and Xander function on different but complementing levels. Xander’s character is like water, constantly moving and coming up with new ideas, while Aliki’s element is earth, rooted and stable, filtering the ones she can identify herself with. And the kinkiness flows…

We saw you review sex clubs you visit. Which one did you like the most? And which one is the worst?

It all depends on what you are after.

If it’s your first time and you want to try a large, organized place with full amenities and a great party atmosphere, we’d definitely recommend the big Clubs in the Netherlands, like Fun4Two and Fata Morgana.

They offer multiple playing areas and tend to attract a large clientele, allowing you to choose for anonymity if that’s what you prefer on the spot. If you are into more private, intimate experiences, we’d definitely send you off to Flirt Club in Rome.

It’s one of the most elegant places we’ve ever seen, with a lot of attention to detail: from the selection of patrons to the quality of the food, everything is close to perfection. That said, we have often had a great time in low-key places too.

Goes to prove that in life what counts most is being in good company!

Pick one, handcuffs or rope? Why did you pick that one?

Cuffs.

Just out of convenience though. We’d love to try rope too. Especially after our interview with Fabrice de Bray, Xander has discovered his penchant for shibari. And soon we’re heading to a BDSM mistress to see what she can work on Xander.

In the end, cuffs and rope play on the same erotic desire: that of being titillated while being helplessly bound.

What articles on your blog would you recommend?

If you are new to swinging, you’ll probably be more interested in informative posts like

You’ll find a lot of details in these posts, so as to put your mind at rest before visiting a club and judging for yourself. Before deciding which club you are visiting, you might also want to check our reviews or more details.

What we absolutely love are our interviews.

We have met some really interesting people in the Lifestyle, such as Jelle Plantega, founder of Velv’or, and erotic photographer Fabrice de Bray of IndiscreetArts.

It’s amazing to take a peek into the professional life and vision of such exciting personalities of the erotic business and we really recommend them to any reader really.And then there are the posts that talk about us, about our love story and our common path in sexual exploration, like How I met Aliki and A fantasy come true.

They are not meant to be informative as such, but we do hope they give useful insights to readers.

They are the most sensitive ones for us because they reveal a part of our most intimate moments. We can only hope other couples relate to them.

Do you take photos that are published on your blog? Can you share some tips on how to take a good, erotic photo?

Xander loves taking pictures and is quite talented at it too.

His main problem is that posing doesn’t exactly come easy to Aliki. With Xander around, though, she always manages to relax and get in a sexy mood.

We have also had a couple of professional erotic photoshoots by Antwerp based photographer Cristina de la Madera and we often use these pictures too. After our interview with erotic photographer Fabrice de Bray we are looking forward to trying something more daring next time around!

Until then we also regularly rely on free pictures from open platforms.

I will now pass you on to Xander for some cool tips for taking amazing erotic photos.

Xander’s tips:

Make sure your partner feels sexy
Put her/ him at ease
Take natural photos, the world has enough of over-the-top sexy pics
If you’re an amateur like me, take plenty of pictures and play with the light

Last but not least, take your time and enjoy playing with your lover! In the end, if you are anything like us, you do not aim for perfection but for authenticity. We are no models and we do not try to look like ones in the pictures. Good luck and have fun!

What are your favorite kinks & sex toys?

We are a lot into massage oils and Tantra, but also into nipple clamps and strap-ons. We enjoy a good vibrator and recently decided to give suction toys a chance. We haven’t made up our minds on that yet, but it’s always fun and sexy to try a new toy!

Our real kink though it to give each other instructions when it comes to sex with other people. It’s the main reason why we are going to swingers clubs and sex parties. Xander gets super excited when he tells Aliki what to do to other men -or women- and Aliki just loves seeing Xander engage with the women she picks for him.

You won’t be surprised to hear that we are taking a first tentative dip into the world of submission. As explained above, we will soon visit our first dominatrix and we are telling you, we can’t wait!

Any other links you’d like to share with the readers?

Our new Sexy Weekends section! Exciting tips and reviews of entire weekends in different cities, always around the theme of sex and eroticism! More cities coming up soon!

Awesome, thank you for participating in Q&A. We wish you the best of luck