Many of us can probably admit to daydreaming about rough sex every now and then.
If you’re being honest you might even confess to fantasies of rougher, more raunchy sex scenes.
Not every person is willing to dive into a BDSM relationship, but there are some aspects of that lifestyle that the average couple, or individual, could incorporate into their sex life to spice things up.
1. Get the green light…
Consent is obviously an important factor when it comes to rough sex or any sex for that matter. Without it, rough sex is just rape which is definitely unacceptable under any circumstances.
If you are unsure about the concept of consent you should take a few minutes to search the “Consent Tea Video” on Youtube.
Before engaging in a rough sexual experience both participants (or more in certain cases) must make their limits clear.
If you love spankings, but don’t want to be bruised, tell your partner beforehand. Not into choking? That’s okay! But be sure you are clear on that point before starting as well.
2. Pick a word- any word…
Popcorn… Hippogriff… Tiramisu…
Whatever word tickles your fancy- having a safe word is a fantastic precaution to take.
I would advise anyone who is thinking about engaging in a rough encounter to agree on a safe word before getting started.
It can be a great comfort to know that with one word you can stop rough play in an instant if it becomes too much or something arises that you are not fully comfortable with.
Safewords can be especially valuable when you are with a newer partner that has not yet learned to gauge your comfort levels based on your body language.
Also, be sure to select one that you will be able to remember when things get hot and heavy.
3. Talk dirty to me, baby…
Dirty talk can be super hot, but like everything else, this needs to be agreed upon beforehand.
Not every person likes to be referred to as a dirty little cum dumpster. Some do.
Being stimulated audibly (from what you hear) can really be a turn-on. It can also be more than simply name-calling.
Some people might like their partner narrating what they’re doing to them in their ear.
My partner enjoys growling raunchy questions in my ear when we’re both really turned on.
4. Pop some buttons…
Watching a scene where clothing is ripped off of a person can be super sexy, but should be given some thought in a real-life situation.
Would the person be okay with you trashing the outfit they wore for you?
If it is something you both decide is a turn-on, my advice would be to never wear anything you would mind getting damaged.
5. Is bound to be a bonding experience…
There is a very wide spectrum when it comes to bondage.
The novice may like to simply try a bandanna or necktie to gently restrain their partner by the wrists or ankles.
On the flip side, the more experienced user could enjoy anything from shibari-style rope work to chains.
Personally, I like the thick, heavy-duty zip ties you can pick up at any local hardware store or Tractor Supply. Non-sticky bondage tape also works wonders and is visually appealing.
6. Nips and scrapes…
Light scratching and biting can be a turn-on. You should see how hard your partner is okay with beforehand.
If they only like a light scratch and you make them look like they’ve had an encounter with Freddy Krugar they may want to stop the session.
The same would go if they like nice little nibbling sensations and you decide you want to take a chomp out of them like a ravenous crocodile.
Then there is the complete opposite situation. I was unaware the first few times I gave head to my partner that my teeth scraping his dick would be a turn-on. He would like more teeth, please.
Communication on desired rough play is a must.
7. Get a handful…
Hair pulling should honestly be thought of more as tugging. It can feel amazing to have your partner wrap your hair around their fingers and give it a nice firm tug.
Not many would like the sensation of someone trying to actually rip their hair out of their scalp.
This should be kept in mind, as most people want to feel like they are being fucked with passion and not being physically assaulted by Ted Bundy.
8. Smack that ass…
Spanking is one of my favorites and it really goes well paired with dirty talk.
I love my partner growling that I’m a naughty girl for such and such reason and giving me a few good smacks that leave my skin with a sweet, blushing sting.
Do I want a black and blue ass with bruises or welts? Not particularly.
That’s not my thing or something I am comfortable with, but some are. It is all about your own level of comfort and what you, as a unique individual, find arousing.
9. Pick a part…
Acting out a scene or becoming a character is a common fantasy for many. If a certain scenario is what’s going to get you going, you should explore it further.
Although the majority of people are against rape morally, it is still a common fantasy that people enjoy enacting as it is a clear power dynamic form of roleplay.
Others enjoy scenarios of authority such as student and professor or cop and horny girl that wants to desperately get out of that ticket.
As long as the scene is done with both parties’ consent, feel free to let your freak flag fly.
10. Aftercare…
Some rough sex sessions are more intense than others. Everyone deserves to be cared for afterward.
Regardless if you are long-term partners or this is a casual encounter, aftercare should be made a priority and should be discussed beforehand.
Some individuals may want physical contact such as cuddling.
In some cases, one partner may need marks cared for such as welts made from spanking or caning.
Some people may just want their space afterward.
Final thoughts…
If you are being responsible when it comes to rough sex there is a lot that needs to be discussed and decided upon before even getting started which may seem like a drag.
In reality, it is a way of making sure individual needs and desires are met and make for a more fulfilling sexual encounter.
It’s not always like in the movies where two people just meet and fuck up against a wall with fists full of hair. Although, that sounds good too.
There should be consideration put into the situation to make sure that each person is content and comfortable with the rough play taking place.
Further education
See the following resources if you wish to learn more on the topic. Mind that links are 18+ and are educational but explicit videos. Links will take you to the Kink University website and while the small part of the videos is free, you’re going to have to subscribe for the whole thing.
Kink University is one of the few sites we wholeheartedly recommend for kink education.
- Rough Sex: The Best Fucking Positions
- Fast Rope Bondage For Sex
- Sex Bondage With Stockings
- Rough Sex: Pillowcase Tricks
From our workshop
I loved working with you guys. Please let me know if you would like to “get together” again.