The “Open Sex” Rule Happy Couples Swear By

In every circle of friends, there’s that one couple who just seems to make it work.

And not only do they make it work, but they keep it alive.

With their sexy glances and obvious passion for one another, it’s enough to make everyone else wonder, What’s their secret? We love the theory voiced by a woman who’s been in that kind of relationship for years: Jada Pinkett Smith.

The actress has been hinting at an open marriage with husband Will Smith for years, and she recently stated, “…You have to look at your marriage and understand what is needed in YOUR marriage. Not what people think your marriage should be or what people want your marriage to be.” We think the same wisdom applies to any relationship.

No couple is perfect, and chances are, whether you’re open or not, there are some things you wish were different. Maybe your partner doesn’t have the same sex drive as you, or maybe one of you is kinkier than the other, and you’re just not getting the satisfaction you crave. When it comes to situations like these, sometimes having an open sex life is just easier. Having more partners means there’s less pressure for one person to fulfill another’s every need.

While it’s not for everyone, the couples who can make it work reap all the benefits.

Open sex

What makes non-monogamous dating so great?

“I love being non-monogamous because I’m someone who loves novelty and exploration,” says Liz Powell, PsyD, sex educator and licensed psychologist, “I get to get that by being with as many people as I want.”

She says: “I also have a high capacity for compersion — which is the joy for someone else’s joy — so seeing my partners sexually fulfilled and happy makes me happy.”

When you combine this with the research, it makes sense. Various studies have been done in recent years to measure the general satisfaction and happiness of couples in both monogamous and consensually non-monogamous relationships. Those in CNM relationships have lower levels of jealousy, greater trust, better support networks, and greater sexual satisfaction. That’s not to say a consensually non-monogamous relationship could ever “fix” a failing monogamous one. That’s not how it works.

According to Powell, “Nonmonogamy can exacerbate preexisting personal issues and issues in the relationship…[it] isn’t going to fix a relationship with an unstable foundation.” On the other hand, “practicing ethical non monogamy helps individuals hone their skills in problem-solving, communication, and making and holding boundaries.” So although non-monogamy could be the final straw in a weak relationship, a relationship that already has a strong foundation can be improved by practicing CNM. It can lead to a stronger emotional bond between you and your partner and – yes! – better sex.

What real couples have to say

When asked about the benefits of non-monogamy, CNM couples have lots of positive things to say. According to Noah, 25, “Sex has become an activity I can enjoy more freely. I place a lot less significance on it, in and out of my relationship, and as a result, it’s just easier.” He added that it’s also helped him discover the kinky side of his boyfriend: “Nothing is really taboo, and we’re very frank about our likes and dislikes.”

Others like Emi, 25, have noted how being CNM has allowed them to explore their sexuality, and that it makes them feel “empowered and very desired.” She said, “I had the best of both worlds. I love going out and flirting so much. And then I could also be sad and cry in my room to [my boyfriend] when I needed to. I had stability and also spontaneity.” Of course, protection becomes much more of an issue as couples need to be very aware of each other’s efforts to practice safe sex. She added, “…there was just a lot of unspoken weirdness.”

At the end of the day, consensual non-monogamy is not for everyone. But those who make it work can have happier relationships, and better sex lives, than their monogamous counterparts.

Getting started

If you think an open relationship might be right for you, getting started is as simple as signing up for a free open dating site and chatting with other singles and couples.

Opening up your sex life could mean anything from friends-with-benefits relationships to swinging, polyamory, and more. Luckily, there is someone for everyone at SwingTowns: The World’s Friendliest Dating site.

Join millions of hot couples and singles all over the world. Grab your free membership now!