Ultimate Beginners Guide To BDSM

Ultimate Beginners Guide To BDSM

Does the word BDSM invoke thoughts of pain, spikes, dungeons? Does it freak you out? Or, does it make you a little bit curious?

Whether you fall in the first category or second, we’re going to introduce you to the world of BDSM and debunk all the myths you may have. It is a whole dimension of bedroom plays which is so huge and wide that there is something for everybody.

What is BDSM?

BDSM meaning stands for Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission, Sadism and Masochism and it covers a wide range of erotic bedroom plays, from mild to wild.

Spices of Lust - BDSM acronym explained

BDSM Intro

In general, it is an umbrella term for certain kinds of erotic behaviors between consenting adults in addition to many subcultures that exist. There is terminology that is used among the subcultures, it may vary, but those used widely are:

  • top/ dominant – used for those partners that are physically active or controlling
  • bottom/ submissive – used for those partners the physically receptive or controlled

The interaction that happens, between tops and bottoms. where physical or mental control of bottoms is surrendered to the top is called ”power exchange”. BDSM as an ”event” is usually referred to as ”play”, ”scene”, ”scenario” or ”session” and partners involved get pleasure from it. Although, sexual intercourse can happen during a ”session”, it’s not necessary. People do tend to have ”sessions” that do not include sex at all. The fundamental principle is that it should be performed with the consent of all involved parties and with clear boundaries and safe words because that is what it makes a legal and ethical distinction between BDSM and crime.

Initials facets of BDSM would be:

  • Bondage and Discipline
  • Dominance and Submission – where both females and males can take on either role
  • Sadism and Masochism

Bondage and discipline are aspects that do not seem to relate to each other, but they have some conceptual similarities. The term bondage describes physical restraint, while discipline describes psychological restraint.
Also, B&D does not define dom’s and sub’s, it defines activities with one partner being a receiver and the other being giver.

Dominance and submission are related to giving and accepting control of one individual over another. It could be in an erotic or lifestyle context. While B&D describes activities, D&s is related and explores a more mental aspect of BDSM. Here you can read more about D/s relationship.

Sadism and Masochism or S&M, a sadist is usually the dom, while the masochist is sub, but these roles are often complicated and don’t have to be clear. Sadomasochists also play without any power exchange, while both partners equally control the play.

TYPES OF PLAY

Let’s paint a picture a little bit more. I’ll lay out some examples of BDSM plays:

  • Sexual roleplay
  • Spanking
  • Tickle torture
  • Edgeplay
  • Animal roleplay
  • Flogging
  • Medical-play
  • Play piercing
  • Human furniture
  • Bondage
  • Breast torture
  • Cock and ball torture
  • Erotic electrostimulation
  • Golden showers
  • Pussy torture

BDSM COLLAR

BDSM collar is a very common item in BDSM culture and in BDSM communities. Many people wear it because of fashion reasons, while the more common reason is symbolizing their BDSM relationship and the status of it. Communities treat BDSM collars as a symbol of the highest respect. If you are interested in collars we have something more to read about in Where To Buy BDSM Collars Online.

VANILLA SEX/ LIGHT BDSM

For people practicing sex in the most simple manner, all this can scare them off or seem to complicated. Maybe you read what I wrote and you don’t even understand how could this turn you on, or your partner.

You can do a lot of things that fall outside of vanilla genre and are light versions of BDSM. We suggest getting most simple toys – handcuffs or a blindfold. Even better, you can use things you have at your disposal – something like a tie or silk scarf.

We’ll be sure to give you some ideas of simple/ beginner BDSM plays in the future. For now, there are two articles in our BDSM section that we recommend. One is about whether you are into some kinky stuff and the other one is how to tell your partner about your kinky sex desires.

BONDAGE PLAY

Bondage play is an act of physical restraining (tying, bonding) a partner for erotic stimulation. We’ve been talking about Basics Of Bondage and about Bondage Rope so feel free to check it out.

SAFETY AND AFTERCARE

Aside from most simple plays, we strongly advise you to educate yourself more on the topic. If you don’t have a person you could confide in or talk about BDSM, go online or to your local library, there are tons of materials to educate yourself. It is very important! Both serious psychological and physical damage can occur.

Most usual things are that before of a play, all sides included should negotiate play conditions, especially if they don’t know each other very well. Negotiations are about partners’ interests and fantasies and about establishing what is acceptable or not. In addition to that, safe word or words are usually arranged to provide an immediate stop of any activity.

Aftercare is also one very important aspect and it should be part of every BDSM play or session. Both partners should check with one another to make sure they feel okay. It is equally important for the dom as it is for subs. Proper aftercare involves physical care, if there is a need for any and involves emotional care too – talking, cuddling, kissing. It is not something to overlook.

As this is very important make sure to follow the link to read more about Safety And Consent.

BDSM Tumblr

Tumblr is a very popular network for BDSM bloggers. You can find a lot of BDSM Tumblr pages with interesting posts, high-quality media, dirty captions and so much more to feed your kinks. One of our favorite BDSM Tumblr accounts is:

Girl bondaged with silk scarf
Taken from Kneel and Submit Tumblr Page
Woman on bed, man holding whip
Taken from A Male Dom’s Point Of View Tumblr Page

BDSM Hentai

If you are fun of Anime or Hentai there are some pretty good BDSM Hentai pages with erotic cartoons. The best Hentai page that we can recommend is Hentai Heaven.

FINAL WORDS

I hope you got a better hang of BDSM now, in future, it is something we will extensively cover.

There are so many things you can try out that are suitable for beginners and could introduce you to this world, step by step. If done properly, with necessary preparation and consent, BDSM can spice up your sex life greatly while building an even better and deeper connection with your partner.

In the next article we will discuss whether or not your partner is into BDSM and could he/ she be, so stay tuned.

What is your opinion on BDSM, would you or are you practicing it?

4 Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *