How To Be A Dom: 30 Tips For Beginners

So, you’ve decided that being a Dom is the role for you – congratulations! Continue reading to find out how to be a Dom.

But how can you actually start putting those deepest desires into practice?

Essentially, this depends on the kind of Dom you are. Some Doms are dominant in all areas of their life or relationship, whereas others prefer to save their dominance for the bedroom.

Here are our top 20 tips for new Doms, followed by some bedroom-specific tips!

20 tips to be the best Dom you can be

1. Decide if you would like to take on a specific role. Are you a Daddy or more of a Master, or something else entirely?

2. Take care of your sub; guide them and teach them how you want to be served, but also make sure to take responsibility for their health and wellbeing.

3. Ensure your sub is aware of what is expected of them.

4. Don’t be afraid to apologize. Just because you’re a Dom, doesn’t mean you won’t mess up.

5. Stay as fit and healthy as you can.

6. Maintain great personal hygiene.

7. Stand tall and ensure your posture is correct. Do not shrink yourself to appear less assertive.

8. Speak directly. Think “we’re doing X” not “would you like to do X?”

9. Ensure your sub is safe at all times and establish safe words. Regularly check that your sub remembers these, and always respond to them immediately.

10. Learn your sub all the submissive positions.

11. Provide your sub with aftercare following a scene, taking care of their physical and emotional needs.

12. Make sure your sub’s and your own boundaries are clearly defined from the outset.

13. Ensure your sub feels empowered and happy within their role.

14. If you plan to use bondage, learn how to tie knots, and use restraints safely – your sub’s safety is your responsibility.

15. Realize that being a Dom is about more than control, you should also be willing to show your sub love, kindness, and generosity.

16. Work on your self-confidence. To truly and convincingly be in control, you need to believe you are worthy of this.

17. Know the difference between dominance and bullying. A good Dom makes their sub feel strong and supported.

18. Keep a calm and collected demeanor at all times.

19. Decide on your rules and enforce them without fail; do you require your sub doesn’t look you in the eye, or that they do not speak without being spoken to during a scene? Make sure your sub knows the rules and follows them well.

20. Believe in your own authority and power.

How to be a Dom in the bedroom?

21. Pin your sub’s arms above their head, or pin them against the wall. Try other ideas from the eBook of kinky sex ideas.

22. Don’t be afraid to talk dirty or degrade your sub, if they are comfortable with this.

23. Equally, praise them when they are doing well.

24. Try out bondage; think tying up your sub or using handcuffs.

25. Introduce an element of sadism with whips and nipple clamps. See more gear in the gallery, in the BDSM gear section, or read sex toys reviews.

26. Deny your sub’s orgasm or practice edging to drive them wild and show them exactly who is in control.

27. Make your sub wear a blindfold to enhance their bodily sensations and increase that feeling of powerlessness.

28. Learn your sub’s body language cues so you can effectively establish when they are close to orgasm and, equally, when they are close to their limits.

29. Introduce spanking in (and out) of the bedroom, either for sexual gratification or as a punishment.

30. Keep your commands simple and direct. Think “stand up and take your clothes off for me”. Don’t ask, demand.

Whether you want to be a full-time Dom, Daddy, or Master, or simply would like to become more dominant in the bedroom, a huge part of it is all about mindset.

The take-home points in either case are: