How To Tell Your Partner You’re Into Kinky Sex

Breaking the news to a partner that you’re into kinky sex isn’t always the easiest conversation to navigate, but it can be done, and it’s something most of us kink lovers have had to do at some point.

Perhaps you’ve just discovered that kink is for you and you’d like to try it out with your long-term partner. Or maybe kink has been a part of your life for a while now, but you’ve recently found yourself in a new relationship and are wondering how to bring it up.

The good news is, providing you put some thought into how to do it well, it needn’t be a daunting or uncomfortable experience for either of you. What’s more, executing this conversation well might just lead to the best sex of your life!

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How to talk to your partner about wanting kinky sex?

We’ve broken the process down into 7 easy steps to help you (sensitively) tell your partner you’re into kinky sex.

Sit down and talk about it outside of the bedroom

It might be a little nerve-wracking, but it’s definitely best to have that initial conversation in a calm, non-sexually charged environment. This doesn’t have to mean cold and clinical – why not make an evening of it? Cook them their favorite meal, watch a movie and then broach the subject in a neutral and relaxed environment.

Don’t be critical

A key thing to consider when telling your partner you’re into kinky sex is your use of language.

Tell them what you love about kink, but position it in a way that doesn’t tear down what you’re already doing in the bedroom.

Think more “I love when you eat me out, but it’d be amazing if you could tie me up beforehand” rather than “I like being tied up during foreplay better”.

Tell them what you love about the sex you’re having right now, and then discuss how you think kink could add to that experience for you both.

Explain it well

If your partner has no experience at all of the kinky sex, it’s important to educate them well, debunking any damaging myths they may have heard.

Make sure they know that consent is always at the heart of it and that nobody ever has to do anything they don’t want to.

Popular culture sometimes portrays kinky sex in an intimidating or inaccurate way – reassure your partner that media depictions are not always a good representation of the truth.

And don’t forget to sell it to them, too!

If you’ve never discussed it before, you might be surprised by how open to kinky sex your partner actually is. Even if it’s not something they’ve ever considered, hearing you say what you love about it could well leave them wanting to give it a try.

You never know, you may even find that they’ve dabbled in kinky sex before and have been wondering how to bring it up to you!

Listen to their thoughts and be willing to compromise

Everybody reacts to kinky sex differently and even if they are into it, they might like slightly different things to you, which is absolutely ok and certainly doesn’t mean you can’t make it work.

This is why it’s important to sit down and have a frank discussion about likes, dislikes, and boundaries from the outset.

Ask them about their fantasies, kinky or otherwise– perhaps there is something in common that you will both enjoy?

Start small and progress at their pace

If they do agree to give it a try, don’t bring out canes and ropes at the first hurdle. If your partner is brand new to kink, they might feel a little overwhelmed initially.

If you think back to your first kinky experience, you probably did, too! Starting out slowly will allow them to acclimatize, whereas going in too enthusiastically could spook them.

If they’re not into it, don’t push it

Selling it is great, but if they’re just not into it, they’re just not into it. You have your preferences and they have theirs – that’s completely normal and expected. Perhaps there are other ways through which you can find a middle ground and make your sex lives more fulfilling.

You’ll get a long way in figuring things out by being honest and open with each other throughout.