One short sentence – and that is how I ended up being bottom in our first wax play.
Like with most things in my life, before anything – I do my research. I want to know answers to every what, why, where, why, should I, and all other questions that cross my mind.
Especially, when it comes to burning hot temperatures.
What is wax play?
Wax play is one form of temperature play, where the idea is to introduce a slight burning sensation to the skin. Wax play(temperature play) is a part of BDSM.
Although many of us felt candle wax on our skin and might say oh, that’s shouldn’t be a problem – wax play is considered to be an advanced form of BDSM play.
You (me) should approach it responsibly to avoid all the unnecessary problems, pains, injuries.
Wax play is common as part of other plays/ relationships in BDSM:
- part of slave training
- part of DDlg roleplay
- combined with bondage
- part of female domination sessions
- …
What wax candles to use?
It is crucial to know what candles to buy and use. Selecting the wrong type of candle can cause skin irritation and/or injuries.
The one I recommend to use is a soy candle. It melts at a relatively low temperatures and it quickly cools down when it touches the skin. The amount of heat could be described as soothing, not a painful one.
However, pain and heat tolerance is different for everybody, why I would suggest trying out the wax on your and your bottom’s hand first. Just to get a feeling of it before you actually start.
When buying a candle look if there are additives in it. Dyes, oils, and scents raise the melting point of a candle and those candles can easily cause burns on your bottom’s body.
Also, I wouldn’t recommend taper candles as they melt at higher temperatures and may cause discomfort or pain.
To sum it up, soy and paraffin candles are a good choice – where the second gives more ‘sting’ as it melts at a higher temperature than the first one. Paraffin candles may be easier to clean up afterward.
And finally, microcrystalline wax candles and stearin candles are the candles that should NOT be used for wax play. They melt at higher temperatures and will ruin your play.
Wax play candles
These massage candles are great for first-timers and on top of that – they have flavors and are lickable. How amazing is that?
Before you buy, check the article & video to see how to use massage candles.
To get a 10% discount in the Lovehoney shop, click on this link (UK click here) and search for the product you want. 10% off is applied to your whole order.
How to prepare for wax play?
There are several steps we can do before we start.
- Remove everything from the room to lower the chance of fire
- Fill a bucket with water
- Prepare the place where we do waxing to avoid too much cleaning afterward
- Shaving
Quality preparation is very important in getting the thing done right.
The first thing to note and to think about is that you’re handling fire and you are (most likely) inside. Remove everything from the room that could easily be set on fire. EVERYTHING.
Second – if the candle is lit, never leave it unattended. That’s when disasters happen. Whether ‘you are just going to the bathroom’ or ‘I’m gonna grab some water from the fridge’, by the time you come back – half of the living room is on fire. Avoid that!
In case you don’t follow my advice – prepare a bucket (or two) with water, so in case of a fire you have something to use. This is not a joke.
Make your life easier, before even gets hard. Cleaning wax from a carpet or a rug is a pain in the a**, so if possible, avoid rooms with those. If, like us, you only have rooms with carpets (and the kitchen is just not the place), then use an old sheet or two. By doing that, when you finish, you only have to pick up the sheet and throw it away.
In addition to that, bring a pillow or two, put old pillowcases on them and use them as chairs during the play.
I would recommend shaving based on the amount and the preferences of your bottom, as getting wax out of hair can be tricky and some painful.
Waxing itself
Like with every other BDSM play, we recommend you set up some ground rules with your partner and decide on a safe word.
You and your partner may be a long time together, but doing so, setting up the rules and a safe word, adds to the safety and responsibility. You may never use those, but in case you need them, they’ll be ready.
One of the questions that immediately popped into my mind is – what is the best distance from my body to the candle? The internet will give you several answers and eventually, it will leave you without an answer.
Here is what I say.
There is no universal distance that will work for everybody.
All of us have different pain tolerance levels and that’s what conditions the distance. We started by melting a bit of wax and then dripping it on my hand. By doing so, we got to some ‘average’ starting distance which we changed during the play. Based on the amount of comfort/ discomfort I had.
Some of the websites that are on the first page when you enter ‘Wax play’ recommend dripping wax from less than a foot distance, while others recommend at least a couple of feet distance from the body.
In my personal opinion, both of the advice is irresponsible because, the first advice can be too close for some people, while the second one is too big of a distance and will cause splashing, which can result in even more injuries.
Start by dripping wax on your hand, from a distance of a foot and a half (18 inches / 45 cm), and decide how you like it from there. If you are afraid of burns and would like to start dripping it from a bigger distance, be careful of your eyes… splashing of hot wax and eyes… you get the picture.
Areas of the body to try wax play:
- back
- breast/ nipples – be extra careful
- ass
- cock/ balls – be extra careful
- thighs
- stomach
- shoulders
- legs
You can do shapes, patterns, or layers with wax. All-cause different types of sensation.
Some other suggestions to try while playing with wax:
- Blindfold your partner during the play
- Tie your partner before playing with wax
- Use ice to create a hot and cold combination.
- Caress the body while it’s cooling down. Try running your nails on your sub’s skin.
- Play with feathers (you can tickle or caress, or both)
- Incorporate a flogger or a paddle to your wax play sessions
- Use the butter knife to scrape off the wax
Cleaning & aftercare
Cleaning wax after the play can be a real pain in the a**. Help yourself by thinking before the play.
Smart things to do before wax play:
- shave hair before wax play – hair makes cleaning wax harder
- oil yourself!
- prepare the play area
- use old sheets to cover everything – it’s easy to throw them into the garbage later
- prepare some paper towels
- avoid rags and carpets if you can
- beware you are playing with fire
If the wax play goes south and your bottom has burned, use a moisturizing cream or sun cream (sometimes expensive). You can also use ice to gently rub sensitive skin.
And of course, every BDSM play requires proper aftercare. That means cuddle, hug, and kiss. Eat & drink something.
Reading resources
You can read/ watch more on wax play here:
- Wax play @ Kinkly.com
- Wax play @ Wikipedia
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgDLndHpQtQ
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iCKnPcTgWQ
- Wax Lyrical Kinksters Guide Play @ Amazon
Last drops of wax
Wax play is a simple and hassle-free way to add some spice to your bedroom. However, it can also cause headaches (and burns) if not done right. Think it through, talk it through and have fun.
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