Q&A: Kayla Lords

After 20  published Q&As we want to say one thing – time flies!

Q&A with Kayla Lords

Can you tell us a bit about yourself?

My name is Kayla Lords. I began sex blogging in 2012 after a year of blogging under my legal name about my divorce and dealing with single motherhood.

During that year, I discovered that people wrote about their sex lives and their fantasies on the internet and was both intrigued and shocked that it was an option. It took me a few weeks to decide “who I would be” — that’s when I became Kayla which isn’t my real name, obviously — and what I would write about.

My first post-divorce “break up” inspired my writing because his reason for ending it was because I couldn’t “let go enough to orgasm” and that bummed him out. Of course, if he’d really been interested he would have helped me have orgasms, but I have no regrets.

At 32, I started a sex blog and began to masturbate (yes, for the first time) and to have my first orgasms. From there, I discovered my kinky self and began a journey of sex blogging, writing about sex professionally, podcasting, and now making video contact on YouTube, as well.

Now I’m 40, and the next decade is full of possibility.

I laughed when I read your disclaimer recently – “…which supports multiple websites and my caffeine addiction…”. Caffeine addiction is something we’re very familiar with. 🙂 However, can you tell us something about all the websites you manage and create.

KaylaLords.com is the mothership and where everything began. I’ve turned it into my “personal journal” and the hub where you can find almost everything else I do these days.

While I don’t blog there as regularly as I once did, it’s home to nearly 2000 pieces of content including nude pictures, discussions about my mental health, and sexual fantasies. To say its NSFW is putting it mildly.

Most open Wifi networks classify my site as “porn” — so if you’re at Starbucks and want to read my post, you might need a VPN for your laptop or a robust data plan on your phone.

Loving BDSM (lovingbdsm.net) is the home of my first podcast, started in 2015 — and still going strong.

We’ll hit 200 episodes by the end of 2019. My partner (and Dominant and husband), John Brownstone and I share our thoughts, views, opinions, knowledge, and experiences living the BDSM life, specifically Dominance and submission.

Our goal is to help kinksters have a healthy, happy, loving D/s and BDSM life. We have a weekly podcast (and simulcast a live stream on YouTube — youtube.com/LovingBDSM), a blog, resource recommendations, and the aforementioned YouTube channel, where we vlog and share shorter bits of content.

A podcast episode easily runs an hour or longer every week and always ends with what we call a “bonus section” which is just 15 to 20 minutes of us chatting and talking about our lives, outside of a D/s context.

The people who listen are known as “crickets” because I was sure no one would stick around for that section when we started it, and I’d be talking to “crickets.” Now people self-identify and let me know they’re a cricket. It’s AMAZING.

We have a Patreon where we create some special content just for our patrons (patreon.com/KaylaLords) who (not surprisingly) are made up of proud crickets.

Masturbation Monday (masturbationmonday.kaylalords.com) is my way of giving back to readers and to the sex blogging community.

It was a thing I started on my blog back in 2014 as a way to write sexy stuff so good it made you WANT to masturbate or to share my experiences or thoughts on masturbation and sex.

I realized it could be bigger than one person’s blog, so I started an entire site for it. Each week I post a photo prompt (generously offered by fellow sex bloggers) to inspire the bloggers. It’s not a requirement that anyone follow the prompt — it’s just there to help. And if the image alone makes readers want to get off, even better. Sex bloggers write a post and link up on that week’s Masturbation Monday prompt.

Basically, I’m curating masturbatory smut. I also publish a round-up each week (most weeks, someone from the sex blogging community does this for me) where three posts are chosen as favorites for the week and highlighted for readers and the sex blogging community.

The Smutlancer (thesmutlancer.com) is my newest project, started in 2017. As a sex blogger, freelance writer, and general online content creator, I was learning a lot about how to navigate online creation in a world that’s not friendly to adult content AND how to make money doing it.

I knew other people had similar aspirations and goals as mine, and I couldn’t find a resource that talked specifically about smut, sex ed, and other adult content. So I made it.

To be fair, I was inspired by a “vanilla” (non-adult) resource that I’ve relied on for years — CopyBlogger (copyblogger.com). I had long wanted a resource like that for adult creators, and when I couldn’t find anything comprehensive, I figured I’d make it myself and share what I’d learned.

The site has a blog, a podcast, and a Patreon community (patreon.com/TheSmutlancers) and I’ve recently (as of 2019) partnered with my good friend and long time sex blogger Molly Moore to make it even better as we go into 2020.

What articles/ stories would you recommend?

Oh, that’s almost too difficult of a question to answer — I simply do too much, lol. That being said, on KaylaLords.com, I always recommend my Masturbation Monday posts, because that’s where MOST of the smut is: https://kaylalords.com/category/masturbation-monday/ 

Over at Loving BDSM, we have a page for people new to D/s that’s probably the most helpful for anyone just finding us: https://lovingbdsm.kaylalords.com/ds-for-beginners/

And if you’re curious about sex blogging, adult content, and making money, I have a sex blog guide on the Smutlancer site: https://thesmutlancer.com/sex-blog-guide/

For the curious (and anyone who doubts you can make money from written adult content), I also share monthly income reports: https://thesmutlancer.com/topics/income-report/

And now to something a bit spicier. What are your favorite sex toys?

Over the years I’ve been approached by a LOT of companies to try sex toys, and I’ve narrowed down my preferences and become a LOT pickier. That being said, I have definite favorites:

The DiGiT by Hot Octopuss is the current love of my life for small vibrators.

The spanking paddle and AXIS from ElectraStim is AMAZING.

I love dildos from Godemiche (the Ambit is great!) and Pleasure Forge (on Etsy).

And because lube is required (for me at least) in almost anything sexual, I love, love, LOVE The Butters (getthebutters.com). It’s all-natural, thick and creamy, and legit moisturizes my skin — and having a soft vulva is never a bad thing.

Do you practice BDSM in your life, and how? What are your favorite kinks?

The simple answer is yes, I do. I’m a submissive (sexual and service) babygirl (which means I’m kind of playful and child-like at times) masochist. My Dominant is John Brownstone and he’s a sadistic Daddy Dom so we complement each other quite well.

My personal favorite kinks are impact play — spanking and flogging are the top favorites — and orgasm control, especially forced orgasms. We enjoy other kinks like bondage (John Brownstone’s favorite) and electroplay but we often come back to those first two.

We live a 24/7 D/s relationship. It doesn’t mean I’m naked and kneeling all the time (that’s not at all practical for us). It simply means that our power exchange is woven into nearly every facet of our lives.

The only places where it doesn’t take precedence is parenting and our business ventures (Loving BDSM, the shop, etc) — this is where we’re total equals. For us 24/7 means that while I have a lot of autonomy to make decisions and do my thing, John Brownstone is ultimate The Decider and I consent to his word being “law.”

That doesn’t mean I don’t advocate heavily to get what I want (I’m both very strong-minded and VERY MUCH a babygirl, lol.). We work, live, and love very well together, and are often on the same page.

It’s rare that we face major conflict as part of our 24/7 life. In fact, it tends to make things easier because no one jockeys for control between us because we know who has it in any given situation.

Do you have advice for the BDSM beginners? Where to start, how to join the community,..?

My top advice is going to Loving BDSM and check us out, lol.

Self-promotion aside, the key (and the ONLY rule) to BDSM is consent and communication. Both are big, complicated things, but if you have both of those with your partner, you can do nearly anything. There’s no one right way to be kinky.

There’s no one perfect version of the BDSM lifestyle. Ignore AND run from anyone who tells you there is. Both Dominants/tops and submissives/bottoms have the right to say what they will and won’t do and where their limits and boundaries are.

When exploring kink for the first time, take it slow. A lot of people get so excited to get kinky that they rush in, have a less than a great experience, and then think they’re “doing kink wrong.” BDSM, D/s, and kink aren’t a destination.

Cliche as it sounds, it’s a journey, and each thing you try and experience you have is a step on the path. So don’t be so quick to rush in…you’ve got time to explore. And just because you thought you might be into a kink or wanted to have a certain type of D/s relationship doesn’t mean you’re stuck there. You can always change your mind and explore something new.

Kinky fuckery shop! What, who, where?  I have to say, that are awesome woodworking skills.

One of our “side projects” is the Kinky Fuckery Shop (shop.kaylalords.com).

It’s where you can find John Brownstone’s kinkier woodturning (he does non-adult woodturning on another site — the stuff we can show the vanilla world). It’s also where you’ll find erotic novellas I wrote YEARS ago, as well as other products we create.

We have plans to expand that site and John Brownstone’s products (weapons of ass destruction, as we refer to them) but with everything else we do, it hasn’t happened yet.

Any other things/ reading suggestions you’d like to share with the readers.

I am but one voice in the world sharing my experience and viewpoint about sex and kink.

I think it’s important to learn from different people and perspectives. The most important thing any of us can learn — whether we’re exploring kink or writing about our sex lives on the internet — is that there is no one single right way to do any of it.

Even the way that seems perfect for me today could change in a year, five years, or ten years. It’s all a journey and an opportunity to explore and experience new things. So find and follow multiple people.

Don’t try to emulate anyone, follow what feels right for you, and only try the things that speak to you. The world of kink and BDSM is a spectrum of nearly limitless possibilities. You’re never the only one who’s into that one thing or who has those thoughts — and finding a community can help you realize that and help you figure out who you are.

Awesome Kayla, thank you for being our 20th guest. Enjoy!