A romp on the beach has long been a fantasy of mine, and I had always envisioned it to be a passionate affair - reclining on a beach towel, the warmth of the sun on my bare skin and a naked man between my oiled thighs. .

I imagined the waves lapping on the shore and my groans of ecstasy as my lover thrust in and out of my drenched pussy.

Sadly, the fantasy didn’t quite match the reality, as I discovered on a Spanish beach last year. In my make-believe world beach sex would involve soft sand and moonlight, waves gently breaking - tickling my toes, and the warm air swirling around naked entwined bodies. Excited by my vision, I dragged my lover to a deserted beach (or so I thought) for a beachy bonk to remember.

It was certainly memorable, but not necessarily for the right reasons. The setting was perfect, and we found a sheltered spot to get down to business. I was just about to go down on my guy when we were interrupted by an enthusiastic beachcomber. We heard him approaching and moved apart before he could catch us at it, but it was off putting and we decided to find a more remote beach.

Our next beach bonk took place at an isolated beach framed by dramatic cliffs. We scrambled to find a smooth spot (there were lots of rocks to navigate) but managed to get settled and began kissing and caressing.

We were enjoying the moment until a lizard decided to join us for a threesome. We shooed our new friend away, and dislodged a few rocks, creating a rugged mattress that put us off going at it again.

All in all, we decided beach sex is a bit of a scam. The sand is a pest too as it gets literally into every crack and crevice - itchy, uncomfortable and not at all sexy! Then there’s the unpredictable tide that comes in fast and catches you out when you’re mid-fucking.

Whilst I still love the idea of seaside sex, I think I’m going to keep it as a fantasy, as the reality just didn’t match up.

location ratings infographic

Other lusty locations

Let’s leave the beach behind in search of other lusty locations. One of my favorites has to be a balcony.

It’s better to be higher up for this to ensure you’re not overlooked, but my guy has a fear of heights so this can be tricky for us. That said, we decided to give it a go on a recent trip.

We were staying in a luxury hotel, and our room overlooked the city skyline. The warm breeze enveloped us as we opened the sliding door and the sheltered balcony felt very inviting.

We were conscious of our neighbors, so had a quick listen to try to find out if anyone was outside before dialling up the naughtiness.

Feeling confident that we weren’t about to put on a sex show, we started fooling around. I sat back on one of the squashy chairs, lifting one leg and placing it on the padded footstool.

My guy wasted no time in dropping to his knees, licking my pussy with fervour as I gripped the cushions.

I felt the tension build and tried hard not to squeal too loudly as my lover flipped me over, tugging down his pants and letting loose his stiff cock. Entering my wet pussy, he began to thrust, hard and fast.

I looked out over the city, and it turned me on imagining all the people below going about their business as we were going about ours.

Whilst balcony sex proved to be a hit, tent sex did not. In my fantasy we would pitch our canvas home in a secluded spot surrounded by nature and the black of night.

We would look up at the stars, share a camp-fire sausage and then fuck each other before climbing into sleeping bags for slumber. Sadly, it just didn’t work out that way.

We did manage to locate a private campsite, but the setting was more rustic than romantic. Our stargazing and sausage cooking plan also went south when the first drops of heavy rain began to fall.

Retreating to our tent we decided to go straight to the main event, activating plan B of sex under the canvas rather than the stars.

The tent was certainly cozy, but not the most practical place to screw. We were limited to lie-down style sex - doggy, cowgirl and anything more acrobatic would be too much for our small space. We did manage to get it on but the climax was somewhat spoiled by the arrival of a hairy spider taking shelter.

I’m not a fan of eight legged freaks, so my shrieks of sexual pleasure soon turned to shrieks of terror as my man pulled out to evict the intruder.

After all that excitement we decided to turn in for the night - checking the sleeping bags for mini-beasties before climbing in. The next morning, we packed up and sat in the car as the rain continued to pour. I still felt horny from the night before so I asked my lover if I could play with his gear stick.

We seemed to be in the perfect spot, parked in a remote camp site overlooking a lake. With no-one around we decided spontaneous sex would be good fun, snogging and fondling, and getting worked up. The misted windows and rain pelting on the roof added to the drama and we managed to find a comfy position.

We’re lucky, my lover’s car is a big boy - I must admit, having sex in a smaller vehicle would have been mission impossible.

before you do it outdoors infographic

Fantasy vs reality

Despite us being randy, the beach proved too sandy and tent sex just wasn’t for me. The balcony fared better as it felt clandestine but private, and the car bonk was ok, but I wouldn’t want to get it on in anything smaller.

I like the idea of sex in lusty locations, and it’s worth giving it a go, but I’ll be honest, a night in a four-poster bed with crisp cotton sheets, and a feather-filled duvet, still tops the list for my guy and I!